


Trees and Trust

by MoreiShines



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Abuse, Balcony AU, Domestic Violence, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 09:25:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 40,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7096732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoreiShines/pseuds/MoreiShines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A trivial conversation to distract Killua from reality was how they met. Each was sitting on their own balcony, unable to see the other as they spoke. While it was clear that they enjoyed each others company, Killua knew this would be the only time they should speak. Gon had other plans in mind. After all, he couldn't continue ignoring what went on in the home below his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Went About

Fifth floor, apartment four hundred and five was always unusually silent, eerie even. Most who lived in the somewhat run-down complex believed that no one truly lived in the single bedroom home. Perhaps it was just a ghost that roamed during late or quiet hours and found singing awfully while in the shower enjoyable. At times, the grounded soul would perform sweet electric melodies from a stringed instrument that was plugged into a slightly overused amp.

The fact was there absolutely wasn't a ghost or spirit at all living in or haunted the run-down complex. If anything, there was only a young man who was struggling to pay his bills on time and also save up for his college tuition. Although circumstances were not all going according to plan, Gon Freecss still woke up every evening around six p.m. to have breakfast and get prepared for work. The night shift being what sung his name and had rearranged his whole life to what it was now. Forcing him to go from a morning person to a night owl.

At times, Gon found himself waking up earlier than he ordinarily would. Today happened to be one of those unfaithful days. The clock struck a little after four in the evening, and Gon was in the kitchen, spatula in hand. French toast cooked on an old frying pan, leaving a sweet, buttery aroma to fill the tiny living space. Gon's stomach made sounds of a roaring hunger, all which were ignored by the young man. Hunger would have to wait; he still needed to make his meal for work, among other things.

Allowing the toast to heat up without having a watchful eye to make sure it didn't burn, Gon went off to the fridge. The young man with raven black hair whistled a tune while he pulled out more items that he would need for completing breakfast and lunch. He still required to shower, eat, get dressed and make it to work. Knowing this, the raven-haired man decided on making a ham sandwich; one that would be topped with thick slices of sweet pineapple rings. It would be quick and he wouldn't need to reheat it when his meal break finally came along.

Flipping the now slightly burnt toast, Gon threw some cheese on top of the ham and pineapple rings for his sandwich immediately after. His bones jumping right out of his skin moments later as a loud and powerful bang hit the floor underneath his bare feet. Muffled yelling followed the noise; a screaming so hostile that Gon didn't have to question what was going on.

They were at it again, the couple from downstairs. It was never a dull moment with them living in the complex. However, it wasn't pleasant either. It was inconvenient and worrisome. Everyone around knew about the constant fighting and abuse that went on in that particular single bedroom apartment. Nevertheless, no one did something about it. They only whispered and muttered, spread rumors of what went on behind the closed door.

Gon fell into the group of people that ignored it all. What was it that he could do? He didn't have much of an idea when it came to that certain type of situation. If anything, possible domestic abuse going on would be a first for Gon. All he knew was what he heard coming from under and the things his neighbors gossiped to one another. It didn't really help that he had never actually seen either of the people who lived downstairs. Nor had he spoken with them.

Overall, it wasn't his business and he stayed as far away from it that he could. Gon had his own little issue to deal with, like how he needed to eat and still take a shower. Even so, the noise under continued like a raging out of control forest fire. It grew muffled by the second, and currently, sounded like it had shifted from right under him to more in the direction of his bedroom. Gon was grateful for this; the fighting was the one thing that made it a pain in the ass to live in that apartment complex. However, it wasn't like he could move. This had been the cheapest place he could find in such a large and popular city like Yorknew.

With breakfast done and lunch packed up in his backpack for when he finally left to work, Gon's gaze shifted over to the clock that was lit a line green on the surface of the microwave. He had plenty of time before he would need to leave; that was one of the benefits of waking up early. Placing breakfast onto a plate, Gon ate while standing. His French toast was lacking syrup but it was topped with fresh fruits instead. The meal didn't last long; it was gone quicker than it had taken for it to be made. Still, the food had been enough to fill Gon until later on.

Dirty dishes now in the sink, Gon made his way to the bathroom to take a hasty shower. His clothes came off rather quickly and was left on the floor to be washed later. Not waiting for the water to warm up, Gon went in, a sigh leaving his lips as icy waters ran down his form. It didn't take long to wash his body or shampoo his hair. His awful singing filled the small room with no background music to actually give the vocals a hand at sounding tolerable. Washing away the soap scrubs, the rushing waters were shut off, the raven-haired male walking out of the shower moments after.

Hanging a towel around his hips, Gon went off to get dressed in his work clothes, which was simply a dark green t-shirt and some black slacks. Shoes in hand, but left by the couch, Gon now made his way back into the kitchen, amber colored eyes looked the clock once again. He still had time, but nothing to really do. Making a face, he thought to himself. A light bulb glowing on the top of his head as he discovered something he could do to pass the reminding time before he would have to slave away all night.

Grabbing the watering can that hung by the kitchen sink, Gon began to fill it with water, a song leaving his lips in a soft mutter as he did so. When the bright pink watering can was filled, Gon shut the faucet and walked towards the sliding door that opened up to the balcony where he kept his tiny, but rapidly growing garden. Stepping out, Gon's first poured water into the blooming daisies that his aunt had gifted him the day he had first moved in. Right after that, he watered his most prized possession, a small and still growing orange tree.

It was as the water began to run out, the soft sound of sad sniffling entered his hearing. It seemed so close, yet far away, all at the same time. Looking around, brow raised in wonder, Gon questioned to himself where the sound was exactly coming from. It didn't take Gon long to come to the conclusion that it was coming from right beneath him. Which soon began to cause a lot of links to connect in his head. The depressing noise had to be coming from one of the two people who lived in the apartment downstairs.

Setting the watering can down by the tree, Gon couldn't help but make his way over to the edge of his balcony railing. Leaning over in an attempt to catch a gaze of who had been weeping, Gon's sight took in nothing at all. His amber eyes only viewed as much as the railing of the floor under, and nothing more. The soft muffled cry was all he was aware of, the sound stinging his heart in an unpleasant manner.

Unsure if to speak out or keep his lips hushed. Gon stepped back, mind made up faster than he could say his own first name. His had been so lost in thought, he didn't hear as a door was opened. Allowing his chapped lips to loosen up, words were only a few inches from leaving Gon. Yet, they were cut off harshly by a roar of enraged screaming filling the air around, the atmosphere surrounding shifting into something dark, heavy and toxic. The mere mood causing tension so thick, Gon found himself questioning why he had gone outside in the first place. Or thought it would be a brilliant idea to possibly speak out and give support.

It was clear from the words that were growled out, that whoever was outside didn't want company. They wished to be alone, with only their sorrow to give them comfort and consolation. Of course, whoever had entered the outside, had a mind frame that was completely opposite of what they there being asked of them. This very fact was only creating more chaos to the event that was already heavy with animosity.

Amber gaze flashed to the side, an awkward sensation smothered Gon's frame from head to toe. Walking backward, Gon then turned and reached downward for the watering can. He emptied the remaining liquid onto one of the flowerpots and re-entered his home. One last glance at the clock and Gon knew it was time for work. Keys and backpack in hand, the raven-haired male rushed over to the front door. Shoes being put on messy before exiting the front entrance, Gon placed the lock and went off to work.

The whole night while Gon worked his shift, his mind was cluttered with angry screaming and muffled cries.

 

* * *

 

Black combat boots sluggishly made their way along the hallway, towards the apartment door that opened up to home. A yawn seeped from Gon's lips, body feeling heavy and worn-out. His mind was screaming for sleep while the pit of his stomach called out for a meal. If there was anything Gon yearned for at that moment, it was rest. It simply wasn't right for any being to be up at three in the morning. At least, that was his belief on things.

Reaching into his pocket, Gon dug around for his keys, pulling them out soon after. Luckily, the dark-haired male didn't have to struggle in guessing which key unlocked what keyhole. The one to his apartment was the only silver key, among all the gold ones. This was excluding the one for his car, which was nothing more than remote. One of Gon's biggest life mistakes was buying himself a brand new car. At least, he knew he didn't have to worry about the vehicle leaving him stranded in the middle of Yorknew like with his first car.

Finally entering his home, he gently kicked the door shut with one of his boots. The backpack that had been on his back was thrown onto the floor, his jacket following right after. Setting both locks, Gon walking over to the couch and flung himself on it, eyes closing and body already shutting down to get its much-needed sleep of the day. Although, Gon knew that he really shouldn't sleep just yet. He needed to stay up until at least eight in the morning or he would mess up his whole cycle of sleep and suffer significantly once his next shift of work came along.

Telling himself to get up, Gon felt his body move on its own accord. He felt drunk as he made his way to the kitchen, and turned on the light. It was as he opened the fridge door, that he felt his form jump slightly and eyes open half way. His mind realizing he hadn't in reality gotten up at all and was still lying lazily on the sofa. Sighing, Gon continued to tell himself that he needed to get up on his feet and not fall to sleep. Yet, he continued to have the same small dazed dream of getting up, but never truly doing so. It was after the fifth time dreaming, that Gon took his hands and slapped his cheeks with enough force to wipe away the drained feeling that had taken over his body.

Sitting up on the couch, Gon worked off the laces of his boots. He slid them off, leaving them there by some stack of school books he hadn't bother to pick up yet. At times, he was glad he had moved out from home. If he still lived with his Aunt Mito, he was sure she wouldn't have allowed him to make a mess of his apartment. She would have told him to pick up his books and put them where they belonged long ago. Gon didn't see the point, especially when they always ended up back on the living room floor because he decided he was bored and wanted to try and study.

This time actually making his way to the kitchen, Gon quickly made himself a peanut butter and raspberry jam sandwich. Pouring himself a glass of almond milk, he debated if to make a milkshake so that he could pass the time or just leave it as it was. In the end, Gon simply sat down on the counter, sandwich in hand and a plain glass of almond milk at his side. Swinging his legs, Gon took another bite of his meal, almost choking as a loud bashing sound was heard coming from under him.

It had been about a week since the people downstairs had hit the ceiling that made up Gon's floor. While, they still fought from time to time, as far as Gon knew things hadn't been thrown. Hitting on his chest, the raven-haired male began to cough, the chunk of sandwich he had swallowed going down roughly that it hurt. When his coughs were under control, he grabbed his milk and took a few gulps. The cold liquid felt nice going down, but it didn't last too long. His body was still feeling the need to throw fits of coughing.

Deciding that he was done with his food for that night, Gon put the half of his sandwich that happened to be left in a plastic zip up bag. As for the milk, he placed the cup in the fridge, hoping that it wouldn't taste off when he got around to drinking what was left. Shutting his eyes for a moment, Gon put all he could into ignoring the fighting that was going on. It seemed that when it was dark out, and everyone was fast sleeping, the noise only got louder, and so did the words that came. It was stressful to Gon, to know something that wasn't right was happening right underneath his feet, yet he couldn't do a thing.

Gon wasn't sure how long he stood there or around what time everything around him got eerie silent again. All he did know was that he still wasn't allowed to fall to sleep, and he needed some fresh air. Turning around, Gon made his way to the balcony door and slid it open. Stepping out, the cold Yorknew air hit him with full force. The feel of it was refreshing and caused him to close his eyes and stand there to enjoy each and every blow of air that caressed his tan skin.

Moments passed, and he shut the door behind him, his bare feet taking him over to the lonely lawn chair he had outside right next to the orange tree he loved. Taking a seat, amber eyes were closed again, until hunger gave a small pull at his stomach. Without thought, his tan hand reached for the tree, plucking off a random orange. If it was ripe or not, Gon would have to discover once the peel was off and his teeth sunk into the sweet fruit.

The wind continued to flow, its cold currents hitting softly now. The fruit that was in Gon's hand was naked, tan fingers ripping apart the wedged and slipping them in between his lips, teeth with haste chewing it. The light sour taste brought a decent pleasure, but it was clear that the fruit on the small and still growing tree needed more time. Breathing in and out, Gon sat where he was, watching the sky change colors, but only slightly. It couldn't be anywhere past four in the morning. The hues above wouldn't start to show a noticeable change in colors until a little past the middle of five.

It was as Gon was going to reach for his second orange, that the sudden sound of a door sliding open caught his attention. He froze solid as if harsh winter winds had crashed onto his naked body. Before he knew it, a loud screaming was filling the atmosphere, bringing that thick tension he had felt before collapsing down on him.

"LEAVE ALREADY! I'M TIRED OF THIS!" The voice seemed distraught, but also mournful. There was a shaking Gon knew all too well, it reminded him of all the times Mito would scream at his father when Ging was about to leave after spending some time with Gon.

However, the key difference was that the bitterness wasn't forged. It was real as if the person who had been screaming was praying to someone with the higher power to make sure whoever was causing pain and hurt would never truly come back. Although, the truth was that the other would and the scene would play out the same all over again, like a song of violence set on repeat.

Gon's thoughts shattered by one of two things, and it wasn't the hostile way the balcony door had been glided shut. What caused Gon's thinking to become undone was the screaming cry that came after. The way the loud sob broke into the sky while things were thrown around. Gon could only guess it was some plastic chairs and small flower pots from the crashing that came along with the angry shouting.

As quickly as the crying and thrashing came, it stopped. It turned small, making the sky feel empty and isolated. It made Gon feel surreal, like what he had heard hadn't truly happened. Whatever event just occurred was solely a dream of the past he was having and nothing more. Nevertheless, it was the small hushed and muffled sobs that expressed this was far from that. It disclosed to Gon that he had stumbled on something he shouldn't have, although, he had been the one to step out to the balcony in the first place.

Letting go of the fruit in his hand, Gon did what he hadn't been able to do the week before. It was speak, "Are you alright down there?"

 

* * *

 

He was trembling as he sat on the balcony floor, the cold air biting at his skin. Knees were drawn up to his chest, and his hands began digging deep between his pale colored locks, fingers pulling with force to display more of his anger and frustration. It was the same night after night, fight after fight. Yet, he always found a reason to continue with the daily routine.

Killua couldn't call himself the victim, but he wasn't the abuser either. It was a mix of both when it came to his situation that he and his boyfriend found themselves stuck in. Each had their own reasons for staying and keeping whatever it was they had going. While Killua believed that he knew his reason, it was far from that actual truth.

Love wasn't why he stayed. Though, if one was to ask him that would be the cause and explanation for everything he put up with. Whatever love he had for the man he shared a home and life with had gone from strong to nothing but a mere excuse. A reason to keep their relationship to the way it was without a single change. Yet, all at the same time, the thought of gaining the love he once felt may have been the reasoning as to why he stuck firmly to his surroundings that he called life.

Of course, that didn't mean that at times he didn't want to escape, that he didn't wish to bring it all to an end. A little voice whispered every day it was best to run, to find stable ground where he could smile again. A large mountain stood in his way, however. One he was hesitant to climb because another little mutter told him it was impossible and that at some point everything would get fixed up to how it was before everything awful had begun.

Hands still in his hair, and tears slipping from his clear blues eyes, Killua's heartbeat began to slow to its normal and steady pace. The cold wind calming him down, the jumble of emotions fading and causing him to feel empty, much like the home beyond the balcony door was. Letting out a breath of air, pale hands shifted downward, settling against his bare knees. Fingers gripped at the fabric that made up his sleeping shorts. Just when he thought he had gained control of his emotions, he broke down, a strangled sob seeping from his lips.

An escape.

He needed a way out, and soon. Words screamed in his head. Where was he to go if he left? Home? That wasn't an option; he came here to leave that prison. While his parents were not bad people, they suffocated him with their overprotective ways. He didn't want to be housebound again. He didn't want to have his every moment observed. If he went back, he was sure his parents would only shove all his errors in his face. Remind him how wrong he was and how if he had stayed home, his life wouldn't have spiraled downward the way that it had.

With his cries softening again, Killua's suddenly felt his heart almost rip from his chest, a voice from out of nowhere called out. Looking up, blue tearful eyes looking around. Killua searched for someone and the source of the voice. He was going crazy. That would be the only explanation. It was four in the morning, who the hell would be up at the time? Let alone want to talk to him, see if he's all right. No one in the complex cared about what feelings went on when he and his partner argued and hurt each other due to their rage. They only cared about spreading rumors and tales they believe that went on.

He had to be going insane. Maybe all the hits to the head and the verbal backlash had finally caused him to snap and lose his mind. Letting himself come to the agreement that he wasn't mentally stable any longer, Killua found himself replying, his thoughts telling him that it was fine to be talking to a ghost.

"I'm fine," A lie. Killua knew this very well. Yet, it didn't stop him from believing that it was the truth. To persuade his own self that it was. The excuses that everything in life was perfect coming all back to him.

Life was fine. He was fine. So, he and his companion screamed at each other. That was normal, right? The same way it was normal for his boyfriend to hit him, and for Killua to strike right back with just as much force. It was natural…

It was.

It was.

It really wasn't… But finding a way out of an abusive relationship was difficult. Especially, when both parties involved didn't see that something was truly wrong, both created endless reasons to keep things going.

They were stuck, and would be until one finally had enough.

 

* * *

 

Gon leaned his frame forward, his left elbow rested on the small table he had outside. Placing his chin on the palm of his hand, Gon's eyebrows furrowed at the answer. Whoever was outside on the balcony under his was fibbing, and doing a really bad job of it. Exhaling, Gon called out, tone rough and displaying a slight irritation, that also had a mix of worry in it, "You shouldn't lie,"

Killua panicked, his whole body straightening out. He choked on his answer that was going to defend him. It wasn't every day that someone could tell that he was lying. He considered himself very good at that. So good, that he caught himself in the web of his own dishonesty. Yet, right there was a voice calling him out without shame. As if they could read every lie that slipped from his tongue without much difficulty. If Killua were being honest, it scared him.

"Your tone gave you away," Gon began when he noticed the other wasn't going to speak. He knew it wasn't his place to ask what was wrong. Then again, he couldn't find it within him to leave things be and continue on with ignoring, "You were also crying moments ago. I might not be good at math or all that stuff schools teach, but I can tell you're not doing as well as you say. Also, I happened to hear everything that went on…"

Killua's eyes shifted downward, fingers at his knees now, fingernails starting to dig into the skin. Panicked, that was a good way to put it when it came to how he was feeling. Yet, all at the same time, a grin came to his lips. Someone could see through him. Who it was, it didn't matter at the moment. All that did was that although he had tears still slipping from his eyes, there was a tiny grin on his face.

Everything stayed hushed, for the most part, the only real sound coming from the wind blowing and a few cars on the streets below that were passing by. It might have been ten minutes or perhaps half an hour that passed when Gon opened up his chapped lips again, a speech leaving him, "You don't need to give me any details of what's going on or what happened. It's alright if you wish to keep that to yourself. You can rant about what you'd like to keep your mind off whatever it is that is bothering you."

There was a pause, and it made Killua anxious, a part of him debating if he should really open up, and to a stranger no less. To someone, he couldn't even see face to face with, only listen to their deep voice, that held a hint of exhaustion. Before Killua could even make up his mind, the voice continued, "I don't care if it's about chocolate covered bacon and how to make it. However, if you want to talk to someone, I'll be out here for a few more hours and willing to at least listen."

Suddenly, Killua's loud laugh entered the air, his clear blue orbs stared at his hands, new bruises having formed and darkened as time passed. The longer he sat here, the more vivid they became on his pale skin. The offer seemed too good to be true. Who wanted others to speak about trivial matters? Shouldn't the person who was sitting above want to know all the so-called juicy details of the fighting he and his partner went through more often than not? It would be more fun than Killua talking about a lot of things that didn't matter at all…

How long he was lost in thought, Killua didn't know, and for the most part, it didn't seem to bother the person he was talking to. For this, Killua was grateful for. There were so many things running within his mind. Most asking if he really should be bothering someone with his issues? Something told Killua that he was, and that was why he drove the conversation to the side, to something pointless, but seemed to matter more than all the concerns he was dealing with.

"Do you not know how to make chocolate covered bacon?" Killua asked loudly, getting more comfortable on the floor he was sitting on. If his legs weren't shaking so much from the pain he was feeling, he would have stood and tried to look over the balcony and up, to see if he could catch a glance at who lived upstairs. However, it wasn't important enough to at the time. Who was to say they would talk again…

"Ah…" Gon's felt his cheeks heat up a little, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. The way the other spoke made it seem like Gon had to know how to make such a treat. That it was impossible not to know. Biting his lip, he let it go seconds later, his confessions flowing in the air after, "No."

Like he had said, Gon didn't plan to make the other talk about what had gone on. If he wanted to take their talk and make it about chocolate or something just as random, Gon was happy to allow it. It had been a while since he'd spoken with someone. Sure, Gon had a lot of friends, and he called them from time to time. His work schedule always got in the way. It made it difficult to keep in touch with so many he wished to. Making a new friend seemed nice. Yet, who know how long it would really last, that was if it even did…

Gasping loudly, Killua's body sat up a bit more. He was unable to believe what he heard. Who didn't know how to make chocolate covered bacon?! It was just cooked bacon dipped in melted chocolate, and allowing the said chocolate to harden. It was a simple as one, two, three! "Wait?! Really?"

At the question, a hearty chuckle left Gon, "I don't like chocolate?" He admitted, not thinking much of it. To Gon, it was normal for someone not to like sweet things, too many snacks and sugary treats were bad for the body. Most of his friends agreed on such a thing and kept their sugar intake to a minimum. However, it seemed that the male in the balcony under had a different point of view.

"Stop. Stop right there… What did you say?!" Killua shrieked loudly, blue eyes wide. The conversations causing an excited sensation rip through his core. Did the guy honestly just say he didn't like chocolate? Who the fuck doesn't like chocolate? Chocolate is a gift of God! Along with all types of other sugar-filled treats and snacks.

Playing with the orange peels of the fruit he had eaten at least an hour ago, Gon shrugged, "I… don't like chocolate?" He didn't see what was the big deal, but all at the same time the way the other had reacted brought a smile to his face. Gon could tell they would have a fun talk, and that it wouldn't die out so quickly, leaving for only the wind to sing as the night went on.

Setting his head down on his knees, Killua felt a frown form on his face as he listened to the other confirm that he hadn't heard wrong. "Are you even human? Who doesn't like chocolate?" He barked out. Once all the words had been said, a grin came to his face. One he didn't notice but also hadn't felt form on his appearance for a long while. Killua was enjoying himself but wasn't even recognizing that he was…

"I've just tasted better things," Gon said aloud, his hand reaching the to tree next to him and pulling off an orange. His fingers quickly began to peel it, mouth wanting nothing but to feel the sweet, and lightly soured flesh in between its teeth. If there was anything Gon loved, it was oranges. They were the equivalent of what sweets meant to Killua.

Letting out a scoff, Killua rolled his blue eyes, "No, there's nothing that is better than chocolate." How dare the other even suggest such a thing! What could be so good that the man living above him felt it was better than chocolate? Killua quickly got the answer.

"Oranges are pretty good," Gon answered after swallowing, fingers already removing another wedge and putting it into his mouth. The sweet juice brought him joy, and a moan of happiness to leave him. The sound was small, so tiny it went unheard by everyone that wasn't Gon.

Making a face, Killua shifted on the ground. He was still in pain, but his ass was going numb from sitting on such a hard surface. Getting up, a small sound of pain came from his lips. He heard the other question him if he was well, but Killua ignored it. It didn't matter how he felt. He didn't want to talk about it. He could handle the pain; he had grown used to it long ago. At least, that's what he told himself to make moving easier.

Sitting on a plush chair that was kept outside, Killua looked up, a disapproving groan leaving his soft lips, "Ugh, not like chocolate." However, soon an idea came to Killua, his slanted eyes shimmering in a glow that hadn't appeared there since the day he finally left home and his mother's overprotective ways, "Wait! Orange chocolate!"

"Is there such a thing?" Gon shifted, getting closer to the table, unsure if to believe if there was such a product or not. It could be that the other only wanted him to admit that chocolate was better. Although, the idea of oranges mixed with chocolate sounded good. So good in fact, that Gon was willing to confess that chocolate was a greater choice. However, he would need to taste and see before determining his final judgment on the debate of which as superior, oranges or chocolate.

"Duh!" Killua shouted loudly, his hands going up in the air in a dramatic manner. If Gon had been there before him, it would have brought a small laughter to leave his lips. The balconies caused a wall between them, each unable to witness the emotions and expressions that were being created while they spoke to each other. "Anything is possible with chocolate!"

Perking up in even greater interest, Gon couldn't help but ask, "Can you make it?" He needed to know. Not only that, but he needed to taste this mixture that the other had brought up. Gon knew that the idea of orange and chocolate wasn't going to leave his mind until he had it.

Maybe he could look it up and buy some online. If not, he could see if the store he worked at sold the item. Even so, a tiny voice told him not to search; that it would be better to have the male who lived downstairs make it. Yet, that was like Gon trying to convince himself that they would be friends and continue to talk as such once this conversation was long over. A part of Gon didn't want to get his hopes up. In spite of this, his hopes were way up before he could even stop them…

"Are you underestimating my chocolate skills?" Killua felt himself flare and become excited. Plans of how he could make such a thing like orange and chocolate work together already forming in his head. He would need chocolate, orange oil and… He wasn't too such what else, but he could make this happen. Not only that but for once in his life, he was looking forward to something. He couldn't help but grin like a fool, his eyes shutting as he allowed himself to become relaxed on the chair he was sitting on.

Laughing a little, Gon finished the orange he had been eating. His amber eyes shutting and a feeling of satisfaction filling his form as the cold air hit it, "You haven't told me how to make chocolate covered bacon yet," Gon's tone sounded a bit cheeky, but also challenging as if trying to prove a point to the man he was talking to, "For all I know, you can't even make it."

"Sounds like a challenge," Killua felt himself wanting nothing more than to go to the store and buy things he would need. Then go over to the man's house and right in front of his face prove to him that yes, he can make orange chocolate.

Of course, it was all just his thoughts. He didn't know the other to do such a thing. They didn't mean anything. They were not even friends. All Killua was to the man was a friendly conversation to pass the time. Likewise, all the guy upstairs meant to Killua was a way to forget and not think about the fight he had with his boyfriend a few hours ago.

They were using each, and nothing more.

Nothing more.

"Maybe it is," A smirk came to Gon's lips, loving how riled up the other sounded. Unknowingly, his heart was starting up an unfamiliar pace. A beat that he hadn't experienced and wouldn't be able to name once he did discover it. That was if Gon ever did.

With his chin resting on his hand once again, Gon became lost in the conversations. Taking each and every word that came from the man he was speaking with. The other was loud, rowdy and lively. The more he spoke about chocolate, the more his voice filled with excitement. Gon could easily tell the other was smart; his extremely detailed explanation of how to make chocolate covered bacon was proof enough. Gon also learned that the guy was a good cook, and had a bit of a passion for it. Once again, Gon learned this from the way the other spoke. However, the most intriguing piece of information was that the rowdy male had a younger sister that he really loved.

What Gon didn't know was the way Killua's hands moved as he talked or the way his lips formed into a bright smile with each and every dish he spoke about. Gon also couldn't catch the way Killua's eyes shined, and how he had forgotten all about the sadness he had been feeling, as well as the pain. A pain that was scattered all across Killua's body, and left marks of black and blue on his pale skin.

Not that it was any different for the man Killua told himself he loved. After all, Killua could pack a mean punch. He was strong enough, that if Killua had been thinking about what he had done to his boyfriend, he'd be sure that fucker was bruised just as badly, if not worse.

Killua's lover brought out the worse in him. While it seemed Gon brought out the best. Not that Killua had taken note to this.

After hours of mindless talking, both men were starting to feel the effects of their lack of sleep. With their eyes getting heavy, words and phrases began to come out slower and became harder to understand. At this point, Gon wasn't sure what they were even talking about. Killua, who had been speaking couldn't really recall what topic he had brought up.

"And, that's how…" A yawn disoriented Killua's words, hands rubbing at his tired eyes. His small laugh showing signs of exhausting as he went on with whatever it was that he was trying to explain, "We accidently covered Alluka's cat Lua in chocolate because we were wasted…"

"You should get to bed," Gon smiled and held back a yawn of his own. The more that the male he was talking with yawed, the harder it became to keep his own sounds in, and his eyes opened. It was a miracle that Gon had been able to stay up as long as he did without passing out. Then again, it just went to show how enjoyable he found his conversation with the male who lived downstairs.

"Huh," Killua blinked, soon taking in the sun that was still rising up higher into the morning sky. Pulling his phone from the pocket of his shorts, he took in what time it happened to be. Hastily, Killua got up from the chair and made his way to the balcony door. A hint of panic in his tired tone, "Oh shit! It's nine, I got work in a few hours!"

"Best you get some rest then," Gon didn't move, only listened as the door was opened. However, it wasn't closed right away. It was as if the person who had opened it was debated if to enter or not. Unsure if to leave and bring an end to the conversation that they had been having.

That was exactly what was going through Killua's mind. He didn't want to leave. Not yet. He didn't want this to be the first and last talk he had with the person upstairs. All at the same time, Killua knew they shouldn't talk again. It would only cause difficulties later on. Was it even right for him to talk to another guy? Another person who actually made it enjoyable to be himself?

Killua bit his lips, hard. This would be the only time they speak. He would make sure of it. The other didn't need to be involved with him. Over time, he would grow tired of Killua and his actions. He would see who Killua really was and leave him… "You're right, good night,"

This was where it would all stop.

"Good night," Gon answered back and listened as the door downstairs was shut closed. A soft mutter left Gon's lips right after, but was only heard by him, "Sleep well…"

Standing slowly, Gon looked out to the sky, the sun shining already brightly to bring on the morning. He couldn't recall when it had started its journey upward; he had been too lost in the conversation with the male downstairs. One thing he did know was that he hadn't experienced having such a fun chat with someone in a long time. He wanted to keep talking to the other. Still, a part of him told him to keep his distance. To not become attached to the male, because it would lead to something that could unbalance their lives much more than it already was.

Gon shook away the thoughts that were in his head as he made his way inside his home. Taking off his shirt, Gon threw it on the couch while on the way to his bedroom. With his pants now on the floor, and only his boxers left on, Gon got into bed and shut his eyes. Sleep took over his form rather quickly. Although, his dreams began to create possible images that could fit the tone and voice that belonged to the man from the balcony that was right beneath his own.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really nervous to post this story, because of the topics that I will be writing. I feel this story is a little darker than Four Walls. In addition, I want to give special thanks to killuanotlonely on Tumblr for listening to me when this idea first formed over a month ago. Also for encouraging me to get it written, even if I'm very self-conscious with my plots and writing. I have no idea how you deal with me and my plot rants. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy. Thank you for taking the time to read.


	2. Scared or Selfish

Killua worked his way up the first flight of stairs, not once minding that he would have to climb up another three whole floors to make it to his destination. At that time, he didn't want to get home early, despite that most teens his age would be overjoyed with the fact that they were released early from school. Yet, it was that one hour extra he got to himself that was the reason he hadn't taken the elevator like any sane person would have done so.

Never mind, that his legs had stung and ached a bit with each step he took that whole day. The pain was just a reminder in why he didn't wish to get home immediately. A part of him was desperate for his part-time job to call him in as a replacement for someone who couldn't make it into work. However, all these thoughts only caused the pale male to recall all the excuses that he created in his head to keep things going with the man he convinced himself that he loved.

With two more flights to go, Killua continued upward, backpack on his back, heavy with his school books and materials. He had been falling behind on his schoolwork, and his teacher had noticed all too soon. While Killua could have easily blamed it on his part-time job that he had after school, he knew that wouldn't be wise. One of the reasons being that he needed the school's permission to be working. Another being that more often than not, Killua did provide money to help his boyfriend pay rent. With those two factors playing in, he knew he couldn't blame it on that.

Although, at the same time, he couldn't admit what was really going on. His teachers wouldn't believe him, and overall it would only cause more trouble into the relationship that Killua had with his partner. Sometimes, Killua just wanted to disappear. It would be a good way to bring everything that was hectic in his life to an end.

Taking note that he had gone up all four flights, and was already nearing his home's front door, Killua pulled out the key from his pocket. The golden key hung next to a small keychain with the goofy image of his sister Alluka trying to lick her fluffy white cat Lua on it. The picture always brought up the fact that Alluka partly named her cat after Killua. Well, more like she took the last three letter of his name for her cat, but the white, fluffy beast was still named after Killua nonetheless. Reason? Simple, it was white and fuzzy like Killua's cotton ball of hair. The oversized critter also happened to have blue eyes that were only a few shades off from Killua's own blue orbs.

It was silly, but Killua couldn't help but think of such events as he finally opened the door. Sadly, happy thoughts didn't last too long with Killua as he threw his backpack to the floor while he entered his home. It was while he worked off the stupid green tie from his school uniform that muffled gasping and moaning entered Killua's hearing. Each sound of pleasure only appearing louder the closer he got to the bedroom that he was meant to share with his partner and only his partner. Despite the fact that Killua had been sleeping on the living room couch for well over three months.

Standing by the door, loud noises of sex and desire filled the air, making it seem like there wasn't a door in the way at all. Killua could have easily allowed himself to feel angry, taken that rage and used it to march right into the room and put an end to what was happening behind the locked room. Yet, what the pale male found himself doing was turning around. The tie in his hand being crumpled with a force that made Killua's hand red as he made his way out of the small home. His body taking him to the balcony, and not out of the front door.

He didn't want to fight with his partner or whoever it was he was having a pleasuring time within the place that they once slept. Still, all at the same time, he didn't want his partner to think that Killua didn't know. Killua was done with pretending, done with turning a blind eye to this. He'd known about what's been happening since it started, they had fought about it many times before. In spite of all this, Killua stayed and his partner continued, even if it's been a little over ten months since the cheating started.

Pathetic, that was a good way of putting how Killua thought of himself. He should be able to march right out of that apartment door and never come back! He couldn't, even if his mind screamed at him to do so. He could leave, but by the end of the day, he would be back. He would accept each and every justification his boyfriend gave him, and the next day, they would be back to square one. All because, in Killua's mind, he was to blame. If he were a better lover, his partner wouldn't do or treat him the way that he was. It was Killua who needed to clean up his act, not the other way around.

With his body sitting on the floor and head resting on his knees, Killua shut his eyes to keep himself calm and from breaking down. His heart pumped in a slow pace, feeling heavy with unwanted pressure. If this was what heartbreak felt like, Killua didn't know. He just knew that it hurt more than every bruise upon his body. It caused him to feel drained and tired without making any movements whatsoever. It shortened his breath and made him want to cry, to release the pain he felt when he really wasn't in any physical pain at all.

Killua was pretty pitiful, which was why he allowed himself to slowly shut down. Perhaps if he fell to sleep, he'd wake up and realize that it was all just a dream he was having. However, dreams didn't come with opening balcony doors from above or with awful singing that could make someone's ears tear up and bleed. Most of all, they didn't come with a small sense of uplifting hope.

It had been a week since Killua had spoken to the man who lived right above. And although, he had said they would never speak again. At that very moment, Killua wanted nothing more than to be taken away by off-track conversations that came from a deep, yet heartfelt voice. Despite this, Killua kept hushed a little longer, listening to each word of the song that was sung terribly off key, a small grin tugging at the corner of his lips.

 

* * *

 

 

It wasn't every day that Gon woke up early on a day off. If anything, days off made Gon stay in bed longer than he should. His thoughts forgetting all about important things, like eating, using the bathroom when he needed to, taking a shower and most of all, just get the fuck out of bed like a normal and not at all lazy human. However, days he didn't need to work made Gon sluggish, to the max. Today oddly enough had a different effect on him.

With the sun out and up high, the microwave's clock marked a little after two in the afternoon while Gon was out on the balcony. His phone loudly played out music that he sang to badly and terribly off key. Not that Gon felt that he was at all bad at singing. It didn't matter how many times his friends had told him before to keep his lips shut, Gon liked singing his heart out. Even if it killed a bird or two.

"Well someone said I made a mistake! Kept looking forward on paths sideways!" Gon sang into the broom in his hands, piling up all the leaves and dirt that had gathered upon the small balcony. The music that played and words that the singer sang were being slightly drowned out by how powerful the dark-haired male's volume was as he continued, "It's everything that is connected and beautiful, and now I know just where I stand!"

"Seasons always shift too late—" A small laughter cut Gon right off, his amber eyes growing wide. The sound seemed different, yet all too familiar, the voice that came right after being one that had been haunting his dreams for the past week. The tan male's heart leaped right out of his chest, but the feeling went unknown. It was too soon for Gon to understand what he was feeling. Too soon for it to honestly have developed.

"You're going to make the sky cry if you keep with that singing," Killua finally spoke after a small fit of laughter left him, head now on his crossed arms as looking up at the ceiling of the balcony. Another small laugh leaving him from the strangled way that the man above had cut off the last syllable that he had been singing. Well, more like screeching.

"Ah! It's you," Gon's words were filled with an upbeat tone. He put aside the broom, resting it against the wall, before leaning over the balcony a bit. However, like before, he was unable to see who was living in the apartment under. Yet, it didn't bother Gon as much as it should have. If anything, it just reminded Gon that they were not really friends yet, and simply strangers. Take a seat on his lawn chair, Gon allowed his frame to relax. Maybe when the time was right, he'll see the other. For now, he'll just begin what he hoped would be a long talk between them with a question, "What are you doing?"

Why was it that they fell into place so easily? Like a couple of friends who knew each other, and were just trying to catch up after spending some time away? Killua shook his head, his bangs tickling his arms. They were not friends. They would never be. Killua shouldn't even have opened his mouth. He should never talk to the guy again, it made him feel funny. Yet, there he was, talking. No, more like throwing out lies, "Um… I'm watering my plants,"

Like a week before, Gon made a face, catching the lie so quickly, it could have caused the other whiplash. Unlike, before Gon didn't call out the male from downstairs so bluntly, he just stated a fact and nothing more, "You don't have any plants," Gon answered, hand taking his phone and lowering the volume of the music by a bit, his thoughts growing dark as he recalled back to the night they first spoke, _'You tore them apart the last time we spoke…'_

This time, Killua held back his shock and the way his heart paced quickly, that odd sensation right back in his chest. He didn't get it, but knowing that the man he was speaking too could so easily tell he was lying did a number on his emotions. Most of the stuff he was feeling being negative because for the first time there was someone who could read him. They could read him like his sister, which was something his boyfriend had never been able to do.

Fear. The other made him feel fear, but it wasn't anything like the one that coursed through him when his partner would suddenly strike him. It was different but fear nevertheless.

"Heh…" Killua shrugged, not thinking about how he couldn't be seen. He wanted to be open. Especially when he knew that his lies could be caught so quickly. Another part of him wanting to just come right out with what was the matter, because he was tired of keeping it all in. Killua was exhausted of being unable to speak about his situation. All because he felt it didn't mean a thing. It did mean something, and before he really knew it, he was confessing what he couldn't openly. Not even to his few friends at school, "My boyfriend is fucking someone in our room."

At the words, Gon's sat ramrod straight, amber eyes wider than they normally were. Words were caught midway at his neck as if a noose was preventing them from escaping. What does one say to that? Gon was so unsure as two words finally slipped, his mind trying to hide how disoriented he was when it came to giving proper support, "I- I'm sorry,"

Yet, all at the same time anger seemed to trigger and bubble deep in the pit of his form. An anger that Gon didn't know he could feel, especially for a man he never met face to face. Cheating had always been something that his Aunt Mito taught him wasn't right, and one should never do, no matter the situation. It also didn't help that Gon knew that the other was getting beat. Gon didn't have to see to know that simply moving was hard for the man who lived downstairs. The way the male's breath seemed to labor and released whines of discomfort was enough to give a hint. It might have been that knowledge that caused Gon's feelings to flare in such a way. However, it only picked up its fumes as the other spoke.

"No need, it's not the first time nor the last time." Killua looked at his fingers, the markings on them already fading and painted in yellow and tones of green, unlike the blue they once were. It was no longer painful to pick things up; items that were small like a pen or pencil.

He wanted to keep talking, to let everything out. In spite of this, Killua's mind made a jumbled mess of what he wanted and what was the right thing to do. As the white-haired male fought with himself, time passed. The air between him and the male who was above had begun to grow empty, drawn out by the long pause, neither of them speaking. Killua was still so unsure of where to take their conversation. Gon allowing for the other to decide if he wanted to throw out more confessions that Gon would keep to himself or not.

What felt like an hour must have passed, but before Killua really knew it, he was talking again, whatever walls he once had up, brought down, "This happens a lot. If he's not fucking someone in our room, he's out having sex with his so-called friends at their place or some hotel." Killua said, voice seeming to hold no emotions whatsoever. It was because of this, that words kept leaving his light pink lips, "I don't know why I get mad or even fight about it anymore. After half a year of arguing over this shit, you'd think I'd get used to it…"

 _'Or leave him…'_ Gon thought to himself, feeling strange at how the male's tone was so casual as if nothing was wrong. It was like nothing Gon had ever heard before. It was so different from Mito's voice when she stated she didn't give a shit about the fact that Ging left them time after time. She did, and Gon could easily tell how much it hurt her each time that his father took a step out the door, not to return for months, at times years. However, with this person, Gon was left unsure if he was really feeling pain or if he had become numb to it all. A numbness that caused an out of place shiver to run down Gon's spine.

Even if that sensation took over Gon's emotions, it didn't stop himself from listening. It didn't make him want to get up and go back into his home, leave the other there with their issues for them to solve alone. Though, the fact was Gon had nothing to say or any advice to give. He hadn't experienced what the other was day to day. Gon was also sure the male wouldn't take his only advice anyway. After all, it was one thing and one thing only… to leave. That very thing being something that was easier said than done. Gon, however, didn't understand that it was.

Hand going into his hair, Killua sighed. He was starting to feel like he had said a little too much to guy who lived on the floor above. His mind screamed at him to stop talking and to bring a change to the topic. To make it something light and would flow so easily, much like the one that they had shared the first time they spoke to each other, a little over a week ago. "Sorry, I'm saying too much aren't I?" Killua apologized while he tugged at his hair.

The moment the apology came, Gon's eyebrows furrowed. There was no need for the other to be sorry, Gon had told him that he would be there to listen to whatever he had on his mind. It wasn't like Gon was going to tell everyone what he learned and discovered, it wasn't his place to do so. He also didn't have much time to go around and gossip, anyway.

Knowing this, Gon spoke out, "I don't mind at all." Fingers running along the glass of the table, millions of words forming in his head, but none seemed right to say. There was a small pause, before he opened his chapped lips once again, letting out a deep tone, "What I said last time still counts for today,"

Despite hearing the other's words, Killua stayed hushed. The thoughts in his head were running miles per hour, each getting more negative as they came. He was drowning, not only in the lies that he was told, but the ones that he on his own had formed. He'd spoken too much, and he knew at some point in life it was going to cost him. Much like each time he spoke his mind to his boyfriend.

Killua needed to stop being so selfish and needy. He needed to give more, instead of take, take, take. At least, that's what the man he had to remind himself that he truly loved told him, engraved into him. Eyes closing, Killua's pale hands began to yank at his hair, trying to remove the long, wavy, white locks. For years, it was the only way Killua knew how to punish himself, that wasn't as harmful like the bad scratching habit he had been free from for a good month or two. Times like these, when he didn't feel like he was enough was when he struggled the most not to relapse into old, dirty habits.

"Would you like to play twenty-one questions?" The very question was enough to bring Killua to the surface. The water he had been drowning in quickly being drained away, as if the plug had been pulled to empty out the area. Killua didn't know if he was grateful or not, but his eyes found his hands laying on his lap, and not latched on to his hair that was pulled up in a now very mess and falling part high ponytail.

"Sure," It had taken the white-haired male a bit to answer as he quickly put himself together, not wanting the other to know he wasn't all there moments ago. Leaning his head down to his drawn up knees, he spoke again, this time, a small request, "Please, don't make the questions too personal."

"That can be done," Gon answered, feeling glad to hear the other's voice again. It sounded off, and he could tell the other wasn't all there. Yet, he hoped that bring the once dark conversation to an end and starting up a much brighter and even lighter one would cause a good and warm effect. Most of all, Gon hoped that maybe, just maybe it would bring about a beginning to their friendship, "Would you like to start?"

"Why not," Killua shrugged, feeling really drained as his fingers began to tap at his knees, the fabric of his school uniform feeling funny as the skin came into contact with it. Thinking of a moment, mostly debating if he should solidify whatever bond he had with the man upstairs or not, Killua let the words slip from his lips. He could no longer deny that although it wasn't right for them to get any closer or speak, Killua wanted nothing more than that. "What's your name?"

Taken aback, it was Gon's turn to freeze up. Unlike with Killua, it didn't take long to answer. Grinning brightly, the male answered loudly, more than happy to share his name. A name was the start of a friendship, after all. Once a name is known, people are no longer truly strangers, "Gon!“

Simple, that was Killua's first thoughts when he heard the other's name. No, not the others… Gon… Gon's name. Smiling faintly, the pale male allowed his own name to slip his lips. His real name, not the one he used to keep others from getting too close. "Killua. My name is Killua." He said, just as loudly, but he left out his last name much like Gon had. It wasn't really important.

Feeling excited to get a name, Gon hummed in reply. He didn't take notice that Killua hadn't heard it, but it didn't matter. After all, as soon as the sound had been made and vanished, Gon spoke again, bring an actual start to their game of twenty-one questions. "That question doesn't count, go again, Killua."

Gon couldn't see an introduction as a good question. It was only given that in time their names would come up and be said. If they were going to talk, it was best to know at least that little thing of each other. Gon preferred a name, rather than going 'Hey you!' each time he wanted to get Killua's attention.

Killua. The name had such a nice ring to it. Gon definitely enjoying the way it came out of his lips and filled the air. If it wasn't creepy, the tan male was sure he could have said the six-letter name again, and again. With the thought quickly shaken away, Gon came to realize that he needed to slow down. He couldn't say he knew where all these ideas were coming from, but they were causing a new tune in his chest. One he was sure wasn't right, and with haste got rid of, shoving it to the very bottom where it wouldn't be allowed to make its way up again.

Biting his lip, Killua then made a face. He wasn't really good with asking questions in order to get to know someone. Then again, he didn't have many friends since he moved to Yorknew a little over a year ago. While Killua could easily make more friends, it was his boyfriend who kept him from getting too close to others. He didn't approve of the people Killua knew, and many times reminded him that he should leave them.

Even so, Killua didn't listen. It was the one thing he didn't feel guilty about when it came to disobeying what his partner felt was best for him. For them. After all, if his lover could have his so-called 'friends', then the white-haired male didn't see why he couldn't too. Unlike his boyfriend, Killua didn't bring them into bedrooms and having sexual interactions with them.

Taking a little longer than he had hoped, Killua lit up as a question formed in his head. Perking up, he fixed himself on the floor, a bit excited to listen to what Gon had to say. Maybe, just maybe not listening to his gut's warning had been a good idea. Perhaps making another new friend was what Killua really needed. "What is one thing you will never do again?" He finally asked, waiting for an answer.

Making a face, and hand rubbing against his chin, Gon thought about it. His answer was crossed between never talking back to his aunt Mito or taking math classes. "Take a math class!" Gon answered loudly, a faint horror in his tone, as well as a childish whining as he kept going. "Math makes no sense to me! All the numbers and letters! I don't know where the hell you got X from, but if you want it solved so badly, you can do it!"

Rich laughter escaped Killua. Gon's reaction had been one of the most sincere that he had heard in a long while. Trying to calm down, the pale teen covered his mouth to muffle the sound. However, it was hard when he heard Gon gasp loudly, and then with a fake anger tell him to keep his mouth shut, because Killua would never understand the pain of math. Which wasn't true at all. Killua's best subject wasn't math, but he could do it pretty well. Breathing in, his fit finally went down a notch, "Heh, you know that you can't avoid math, right? It's a part of life."

"I know! I still got like fifty more classes to go if I want to get my degree once I go back to school!" Gon groaned loudly, hand going into his hair. Of all things, Killua had to bring that up! Yet, it didn't bug Gon too much, not with the way his words and actions seemed to make Killua burst into more laughter. A laughter that stabbed Gon with a feeling he couldn't put a name to. Along with that, it made Gon feel that he and Killua would continue to get along, their starting friendship to develop further more, "And you, Killua?"

"Give Alluka's cat a bath!" Killua answered without second thought, hands being thrown up into the air in frustration. His very tone expressing it as he went on, ignoring the way Gon seemed to be the one laughing this time around. "Fuck that, that beast is wild and gives no shits. My sister and I still have scars from the first time we tried to take it a bath. My mother suggested we got him declawed, but we never did. It didn't feel right to do that to him."

Killua's pale hand began to play with his tie, thinking back to the cat his sister and he once owned. Sighing softly, he reached for his shirt, lifting up the fabric that made up the long sleeve of his right arm. Right on his wrist was a light pink scar from the incident he had just been talking about. It had been over three years ago, but the marking was still there. He for a moment found himself wondering if Alluka's matching one was still etched into her light colored skin or if it had faded.

Taking in Gon's voice, Killua almost missed the fact that it was his turn again to ask the next question. This time, Killua knew what he wanted to ask Gon. It had been running in the back of his mind right after he had asked the first, "What after school activities do or did you do in high school?"

Puffing up his cheeks, Gon had to take a moment to answer. He hadn't been in high school for a while. He wasn't old, and still happened to be a teen. Yet, with work and trying to save up for college, the thoughts of high school and everything he had done disappeared. "I was part of the hiking club and the forest club." He finally said, but in the back of his memories, he knew he had done more than that.

Of course, his next line of words were cut off by Killua, who couldn't help but question if there was even a difference between the hiking club and forest club. Gon quickly went on a rant about how various both were. After all, the hiking club was more about walking trails, some deep within forest areas, other more along empty mountainsides. It all depended on the teacher really, but one thing was for sure, it was mostly walking around.

While the forest club did do a lot of walking, the key difference was that they always explored, stopped and took pictures of wildlife. They also sometimes went out and planted trees, camped out and helped out wildlife. It was more active with nature than the hiking club, which mostly just went up and down trails, never truly stopping to take in the surroundings.

Once explaining this to Killua, Gon snapped his fingers, remembering everything else he had done before he graduated from school and became what people called a 'real adult', "I did math club… the biggest mistake of my life I tell you! There was swimming, track, and fishing. Before you ask, yes fishing was a real club! I also did marching band, and Shake and Bake!"

Blinking, Killua raised a brow, "What's Shake and Bake?" It sounded like a strange club. As far as Killua knew, Shake and Bake was a kind of food? No… more like something to prep food with. Chicken? Killua couldn't really recall since he never used such things to make meals. They were also not used by the butlers who cooked back when he was still living at home.

"It was a cooking club," Gon answered with a grin. He could somewhat remember when the club had been made, and how it had been Leorio who suggested the name. Which was a bit odd, Leorio didn't go to school. He was much too old and in university. He had only been there because he needed to drop off Gon's swimming gear that the tan male had left in his car when Leorio had dropped him off. Softly laughing at the memory, Gon's felt a bit sour as Killua's next words came.

"You were really active."

He was, the more Gon thought about it, the more he came to realize why he did so much. Why he still wishes he could, "I didn't like to be home." He admitted, a laugh to mask the loneliness he felt more often than not. He wanted to be busy like that again. He wanted things to do that were more than just working, sleeping and being home. Yet, his schedule was a mess, making it hard to meet up with friends, and live that active lifestyle he once had. "What did Killua do?"

Killua laid his head on his knees, a puff of air leaving him loudly, "Nothing," Bland and empty was his answer, making Gon brows wrinkle in uneasiness, "I wasn't allowed to leave the house unless I was with a parent, a butler or going to school. Even going to school trips were rare, I had to have one of the butler's chaperone or it was a no go. I went to maybe five in all my years in school. Even now, I don't go on school trips."

Wondering what kind of life Killua lived, Gon sat still. There was something odd about Killua, as if he had been held down all his life and didn't know anything but. Little did Gon know, that was true. However, the situation Killua was now in was much worse, and had developed before he even left home. Killua situation had only started because the teen had been so desperate to leave home, he didn't see the signs of abuse until it was too late, and he had gotten use to them, believing he was at fault.

Breathing out, Gon called out, "Killua," The name came with a hint of hesitation, a slight worry and questioning as if to warn that the speaker was going to do just that, ask something.

"Yeah?" Killua blinked, giving a strange look as he took in the sound of Gon's voice, his clear blue eyes looked intensely at the ceiling above. It seemed off and a little deeper than normal that it made Killua quiver. That strange sensation of fear filled the white-haired again, that Killua could have easily broke out in a cold sweat.

And he did, the second Gon's question was asked, bringing an end to their game, but also keeping it running. Even if the order was no longer being followed, "How old are you?"

There was silence. The white-haired male didn't know what to say or how to answer such a question. It was like a hand had taken hold of his neck and was pressing tightly, keeping anything he wished to stay down. With an exhale and trying to keep calm, Killua thought for a moment longer before deciding to answer to Gon's question honestly, "I'll be seventeen in July." Killua played with his hands, teeth chewing on his bottom lip. When they let go, he added to his statement, before the other could ask about such a thing as well, "I got one year of high school…"

Shocked was a good way to put how Gon felt when he heard the answer. It hadn't been what he expected. If anything, he had been pretty sure that Killua was at least his age, if not a year or two older. Knowing that Killua was still technically a child caused the anger Gon had felt earlier to rise once again. He couldn't understand why Killua was going through such a thing, but all at the same time things began to make a little more sense to Gon. About to say something, Gon's words never came out. Killua had been the first to speak, tone snappy.

"You're weird out now, aren't you?" The annoyance and anger expressed on Killua's face was clear in his tone. It was like this anytime he spoke with someone who was older than him. It was his age that seemed to lead most to believe that he was lying about how he lived and what he deal with. A fear growing on Killua's heart that Gon was going to turn out like such, and leave him because a kid, a teenager could no way in hell be dealing with abuse, especially from their partner.

However, abuse doesn't factor age into whether it is occurring or not. Abuse doesn't care, and Killua was still learning this. To him, he was living the fine line of abuse, because he too hit, screamed and acted out. It wasn't one sided. Although, in a way it was, Killua still didn't see it. He didn't get that what he called acting out was really just a way to protect himself. Then again, that was all because his boyfriend played the victim.

"Don't like the fact that you're talking to a kid?" Killua barked out, hands gripping tightly to his pants. A part of him wishing he had lied and given out a fake age. Then again, he was speaking to Gon. Gon, the male who lived upstairs and could so easily sort out the lies from the truth that Killua spoke. It was that very reason that Killua found the truth leaving his lips, much like it had been since they started to talk that day.

He didn't mean to, but before Gon know it, there was his laughter echoing. Shaking his head, Gon placed his head on the table, trying to hush his little fit up, "No, it's not like that!" Gon reassured loudly, a fond grin forming on his face, "I thought you were older than me. I recently turned nineteen." He informed, thinking it was only right for Killua to know his age in return.

Gon really didn't care how old Killua was. It was perfectly fine. What did bug Gon, was the situation of it all. If Killua was sixteen, and living in an apartment, it could only mean that his partner was older than him. How much older, Gon was starting to wonder. Yet, something didn't sit right in his stomach. Something told Gon there was a lot more to all of this, and by the end of it, he would really wish he hadn't known. Taking in the warning, Gon didn't venture further and went back to keeping their talk of getting to know each other light once again. "So, what's your most listened to song?"

"Twice…" Killua didn't have to think about it. There was one stupid song that he listened to all the time. Either it be on his way to school, going to work or coming back. He even listened to it before he went to bed. "Twice by Little Dragon."

Drumming his fingers on the table, Gon couldn't recall ever listening to that song. The band nor the title ringed a bell to him. Even so, it must have been a good song if Killua had named it right off the bat. Most people tend to think about what song they listen to most. Gon had to at least, and he honestly couldn't come up with which one it would be. Curious, Gon asked his next question, "Do you mind if I ask why?"

"You already did," Killua said in a cheeky tone, a smile once again coming to his face as he rested his chin on the palm of his left hand. Why was it that one moment, Killua felt so twisted up and depressed, and the next Gon seemed to pull him right out of the runt and make him want to laugh, grin and just feel like a normal teenager who's only issues were school and homework. Killua didn't have the answer, and he didn't look for it. For the most part, he didn't even see his change in moods.

"Pft, you get what I mean." Gon laughed, the sound mixing with Killua's. Reaching for the tree next to him, Gon took an orange and began to peel it. The fruit was ripped now, not slightly sour like it had been about a week ago. With the oils of the orange tainting Gon's digits, he left the peeling sit on the table, the wedges being torn part by his fingers before each would go into his mouth, chewed and then swallowed.

Working off his shoes, to have something to do, Killua puffed his cheeks out, sock covered toes wiggling, "Because it's soothing, despite it being sad." He said as he worked the laces off of his right shoes while thinking of what question he should ask. After all, lately all he had been doing was answering, it was about time Gon fessed up to a few things. It was only correct if he did since it had been Gon who suggested they play twenty-one questions in the first place. "If you were a performing artist, what would you title your first album?"

"Jajanken!" Gon shouted out, fist pumping into the air before he stood up. Soon the broom was in his hand, and he was signing awfully into it, some really bad lyrics that he was coming up with on the spot. "It'd be a self-titled heavy metal album named after my amazing metal band called Jajanken!"

Before Killua knew it, Gon had started a full on rant, that made him burst into laughter that caused his poor tummy to curl and tighten from lack of air. "Jajanken will be a three person band! Leorio would be on the drums and backup vocals. I can see Kurapika playing the guitar and doing lead vocals. I, on the other hand, can rock out on my bass guitar and do all the screaming and growling!"

Unable to breathe from laughing so hard, Killua had to lay himself out on the floor to take in deep breaths. There were tears in his eyes, and his cheeks were pink. A small fit still covered his voice as he gave Gon his opinion, "With your singing, I'm sure that genre would work well and you'll all be touring worldwide in no time."

Once the fire up feeling was over and done with, Gon put the broom back where it had been and sat down. For a moment, he simply sat there, taking in Killua's laughter that rung out, only to speak once it had died down, "Alright, next question!" Gon's large hands clapped loudly, "What story do your friends still give you crap about?"

Swallowing hard, Killua shook his head rapidly as his eyes shut, his loose ponytail falling out, letting his long, white hair cascade down, ending a little lower than the start of his shoulder, "Ah… nope!" Although no one could see him, Killua's hands were before him, shaking as if to say no, "I'm not going to tell you."

"Aw! Why not? It is that bad?" Gon whined loudly, on the edge of his seat. He was looking forward to what story Killua had to tell. It had to be either the best thing ever or most embarrassing. Perhaps, it was a little bit of both.

Killua threw his hands into the air with a loud and exaggerated huff, "Bad?! It's the worst thing ever!" It was, it really was. Killua just couldn't say it. Why did Gon have to ask such a thing of all the questions that could have possibly formed into his mind?! Killua just couldn't say it! He could lie. Yes… making something up would be a good idea. Wait, no. Not when the person is Gon, the one person who seemed to be able to catch his lies no matter how tiny they were.

"Come on, spill it!" Gon egged on. He wasn't going to let this go until he got what he wanted. Call him selfish, but Gon always got what he wanted. Even if it meant that he would have to bug Killua endlessly for the answer. Maybe the reason for this was because Gon wanted Killua to recall good times. He wanted Killua to feel some sort of happiness, even if he only experienced it when they spoke.

Gon was selfish, and it was sick how he couldn't even tell that he wanted Killua all to himself after only speaking a second time.

"Ugh! Alright… I'll make it short!" Taking the second hair tie that he kept on his thin, and slightly bruised wrist, Killua began to collect his white locks, to tie them up once again into a ponytail. He couldn't believe he let Gon get his way so easy! Yet, there he was, looking back at what happened about three years ago, "When I was fourteen, I was allowed to go to the water park trip my school was having. While I was going down a slide, I somehow lost my swimming trucks! My fucking friends decided it would be funny to play keep away until one of the teachers found out."

Gon couldn't hold back a loud and powerful laugh, "Oh my fucking god, you poor soul!" While he did feel bad for the other, it was still too funny not to burst into a fit. Gon could only imagine how embarrassed Killua must have felt when that had happened. It seemed like torture. Still, all at the same time, Gon understood why Killua's friends would never let such a story go. It was simply too funny to forget.

Breathing out, Killua let out a tiny chuckle. Now that he really looked back at the moment, he could see what of it had been funny enough for his friends to laugh, even Gon. Still, it didn't get rid of the foolishness that he felt or the way that his cheeks painted in a hue of light pink on his freckled cheeks, "Tell me about it! Everyone in my class got to see my ass!" Killua let himself fall to the floor after that statement.

The two continued to talk and ask questions back and forth. Some making Killua laugh until he felt like puking, others leaving the same effect on Gon. While they had passed more than twenty-one questions, it didn't stop them from still asking and learning more about each other. Killua so easily forgot about why he had been out there in the first place and how his boyfriend was having sex with another in their home.

Killua was more interested in small facts about Gon. Like how Gon broke his arm when he was five because he fell off the roof of his aunt's house one night when he was trying to watch the stars. Another being that Gon was home schooled until he was fourteen and began high school due to moving in with his father. Yet, the one that interested Killua the most was the current story that Gon was telling, filled with so much excitement, it made Killua wish he had been there to experience the same moment that Gon had.

"And that's how Kon became my friend," Killua grinned, all his mind would think was just how good with animals Gon happened to be. Maybe the man who lived on the floor above would have a better chance in bathing Alluka's cat. Laughing only loud enough to hear himself, Killua sighed, still paying close attention to each and every word that came from Gon. "Once I moved in with Ging to go to a proper high school, I couldn't see him anymore. However, the last time I went back, I found fish where we use to spend time together."

"He still remembers and misses you," Killua said simply, his voice speaking out what his mind believed without thinking. A tiny part of Killua wondering if there was anyone who missed him, his sister Alluka coming to mind. Yet, Killua didn't think so, which was why he kept that linger thought in and began to push it away. Far away.

"Yeah," Gon smiled at Killua's words, a shimmer of loneliness taint the amber color of his eyes, causing them to look dark. Talking about the past always made Gon happy, but certain things depressed him, most dealing with friends. Friends, he didn't have much time to see because of how busy he was. He hated being an adult, but he couldn't put a pause at the ticking hours of the clock. Still, sometimes, he would dream that he could.

Dark thoughts were undone by the opening sound of the door from under him. There was a loud voice, unknown to Gon, but he could only guess who it was, from the way Killua had left out a loud shocked gasped. The tone sounded kind, that it caused Gon to shiver, especially when he knew what went on when he had heard all the screaming, and yelling. Breathing in slowly, Gon sat still, a little noise in the back of his mind saying that if he spoke, Killua would get into trouble, much worse than he already was in.

Frozen on the floor, Killua could feel his heart beat a scared rhythm, his eyes watching as his boyfriend came out, tone deep as he spoke to who was inside, "I'm just going to have a quick smoke, I'll meet you in the car," Killua's hands gripped tightly at the fabric of his pants, clear blue eyes shutting tightly as a scream came after. "Killua! What are you doing here?!"

Looking down at the floor, before Killua could stop himself, he snarled deeply, each word tainted darkly with venom, "Waiting for you to be done fucking whoever you are," His gaze went up, locking right into his boyfriend's eyes. The white-haired teen almost felt fearless, that was until the man who stood taller began to angrily make his way over.

Putting his arms up, and expecting to be punched, Killua received different, "You know this wouldn't be happening if you weren't so stubborn!" His boyfriend screamed, his hand gripping Killua by the hair, tugging the teen harshly to that the point Killua was shouting as he tried to stand to loosen the pressure on his head.

"Let go of me!" The teen shrieked, his voice panicked while he finally made it possible to stand on his own two feet. Reaching out, he tried to grab at his partner's hand that was in his hair. Yet, he tripped from the rough tugging, falling to his knees painfully. Killua knew he would be fine after all of this. He just needed to get back up on his feet and get his hair free. Still, Killua found it hard to do just that, and it might have been because he knew Gon was listening.

It scared him.

It scared Killua to know that Gon was hearing everything. That Gon was learning what really went on and how the fights normally started and went on. What frightened Killua the most was that Gon might believe that Killua did deserve it. That Gon would see him in a different light and never want to speak to him again. Especially when he decided that maybe, just maybe it was completely fine to make a new friend.

Killua suddenly felt like he wanted to die. His will to fight slipping enough to just let the man he convinced himself endlessly that he loved to drag him into their home. His partner yelling words that Killua heard so many times since the age of twelve and honestly believed, "I'm tired of you always blaming me! Why can't you see that you make me do this! I feel like I'm walking on eggshells each time I'm around you!"

Paralyzed, Gon never once moved from the chair that he sat on. His heart was racing, head empty, not a single idea of what to do or how to help forming in his head. It was really different hearing everything as if he was right there, from how it normally sounded when he was in his home and the walls muffled the words.

Gon didn't know how long he sat there out in the open, trembling in fear and anger he didn't know he could feel. However, when he did stand, all he could think about was how Killua felt in that situation, and how he put up with it. Most of all, Gon wanted to learn how he could put a stop to what was occurring. How someone like him, who had never seen Killua's face could actually lend a hand into bringing it all to an end.

Yet, was there really a way for Gon to be able to help Killua? Gon mind was swarming with questions as he entered his home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a question on ffnet asking if I was writing this from experience or from research. My answer is experience. While none of the actions or events have ever happened to me, I was born into a home filled with domestic abuse. I saw a lot of things growing up, and will never forget. My younger siblings have also been abuse by their partners. So I write Killua's actions and thoughts based on the ones of my mother, siblings and even friends have confessed to me. While Gon's actions are more based on my own of not knowing what to do in such a situation, fearing of making things worse or even how to properly help. Of course, the plot is completely made up and is pure fiction. However, I do want to make it clear that I am keeping the causes and effects of the characters actions as realistic as I can. 
> 
> \--
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read this story and have sent me such lovely comments! I can’t express enough how much they mean to me. I am sorry if there’s mistakes, I haven’t had time to edit the chapter. I also have no idea when I’ll be able to update again. Life around me has become a huge mess with the current moves going on. I’ve become really stressed, which isn’t good for my depression. I’ve been losing sleeping, and lately I’ve been getting sick (if i’m not throwing up, i got bad headaches, or my tummy just wants to kill me). So ye… Once we getting settled to our permanent home, I hope I will have more time to write. I hope you all understand. Thank you again.  
> 


	3. Knowing This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't looked this over since I posted on FFnet... sorry if there's mistakes.

Gon normally didn't consume sweets. Especially not double chocolate cake, with chocolate buttercream frosting. If it wasn't for the fact that he was on cake duty for his coworker's birthday party, the nineteen-year-old wouldn't be currently be holding a box of pre-made cake mix as he set the oven to three-fifty degrees. In truth, Gon didn't even know how to make baked goods. While his aunt had tried to teach him, Gon was more into cooking rather than baking.

Amber orbs eyed the box strangely as he read the instructions on the back, taking in what he would need to make this project work. He needed a cup of water, one-third of oil and three eggs. A look of uncertainty appeared on Gon's face; three eggs seemed like a little much. Still reading the back of the box, he searched through the kitchen cabinets for a thirteen by nine inches baking pan. Yet, all Gon found was an eight by eight square cake mold he had never returned to Mito.

"It should all fit in here, right? How much cake mix can this box even make?" Gon chatted with himself, teeth nipping at his lower lip. Setting the baking pan on the tiled counter, he began to search for a mixer only to pause. Wait, did he even own one? Was there a point to own one? No, not really. Maybe he could mix the batter with his hands. No, by hand. Not, with.

' _I wish Killua could make the cake for me.'_ Gon's thoughts went to the teen who lived below, and the fact that he liked to cook and bake. Yet, it seemed foolish to think that Gon could so easily get the other into his home just to help him make a cake. It had been well over a week and a half since they spoke. The fighting had died down, but it still went on. That was the only thing that informed Gon that Killua was still alive and moving.

Taking a mixing bowl, he opened up the box and pulled out the packet of mix. Gently tearing it open, he threw the powder into the bowl, before using some measuring cups to pour a cup of water into it, as well as one-third of oil. A wooden spoon in hand, Gon mixed what he had in the bowl slowly. When the mix looked decent, he cracked three eggs into it and combined those as well. It took a few minutes, but Gon finally got the mix to form into the thick liquid that it should be. Dipping his pinky into the chocolate, Gon gave it a quick taste test.

It wasn't the best, but then again Gon didn't like chocolate cake. However, he was sure that his coworkers would be more than happy with it once it was done and frosted. Pouring the mix into the pan, Gon soon discovered that maybe, just maybe, there was too much for the small pan. Putting enough for it not to overflow when baking, Gon slowly walked over to the oven. Opening it up, he gently set the cake inside to allow it to bake in the scorching heat. He didn't know how long he needed to keep it in there, but he guessed half an hour to forty minutes should be pretty good.

Heading to the living room, Gon threw himself on the small used couch. He could watch TV, but he could also do a bit of light studying. He might not be going to school, and he didn't really like to study at all. Yet, he also didn't want to break the habit of it. Gon knew himself, and it would be very difficult to get himself back into the habit of doing his school work if he let it go.

Taking his book from the small coffee table, he opened up to the last chapter he had left off and began to read. He got so lost in the history that the chapter was teaching him, that he forgot all about the cake that was baking in the oven. At least, he had, until the smell of something burning began to fill his sense of smell. With haste, Gon was up on his feet, book discarded and the page he was on, lost.

Entering the kitchen, Gon's first move was to turn off the oven, then grab a pair of oven mitts. Throwing the oven door open, the smell of burned cake became stronger, Gon pulling the poor thing out and letting heated tray fall onto the tile counter. "Just great…" Gon cursed, eyebrows furrowed as he began to pace around the small apartment, opening every window he could. Once at the balcony door, Gon pulled back, getting an idea.

Rushing to where he had left the cake, he put the mittens on again and held the still cooling cake in one hand. Heading to the balcony door, he slid it open, the cool mid-morning air rushing in and hitting Gon's body. Excellent, the idea of taking the cake out to cool and not smell up the place was perfect. Gosh, sometimes Gon was really smart.

That wasn't to say that Gon wasn't always smart. He was, especially when the situation was really tricky and it seemed that there weren't resolutions to the circumstances at all. Yet, many who didn't pay close attention to who Gon really was, thought of him as an idiot who couldn't do a thing. He could, but he did have his flaws.

Leaving the cake on the table he had outside, Gon began to make his way back into his home. His mind saying to study some more as he waited for the cake to cool, and check if he could save any part of it. However, he paused as a voice called out, a smile growing on his features. It was stupid how crazy, happy Killua's voice made him feel, and the way his heart picked up to a new still unnoticed beat.

"Gosh! What is that smell?" Killua screamed out loudly, one hand covering his nose, the other picking up his shoes he had left outside. Knowing that the scent was coming from Gon's place, because of the way that the balcony door had sounded, Killua couldn't help but add a joke to his next set of words, "Did someone die up there?"

"Heh, not necessarily," Gon rubbed the back of his head, a brighter grin appearing on his face. He could hear Killua laughing softly, a sound of things being moved around mixing with it. That was enough to let Gon know that Killua was most likely busy, but also that he wasn't in a bad shape. "I burnt the cake I was making for a co-worker's party we're having tonight at work."

Nodding, Killua tapped his shoes together, attempting to get the dry mud off of them. It had been a while since he and Gon had spoken. Killua had been so sure it would be awkward, after everything that Gon heard. Yet, they simply fell into place, like a puzzle piece did when it met up with its perfect match.

Still, Killua couldn't help but wonder if Gon saw him differently. It wasn't easy for someone to first-hand experience the fights that Killua got into with his boyfriend. The white-haired teen knew this because he had seen the way his arguments had changed his sister Alluka. He had watched the way her eyes turned dark towards the man he loved, but also towards him because he kept himself and the broken relationship going.

Sighing and still trying to get the stupid mud off before he would have to leave to work, Killua questioned, "Wouldn't it be easier to buy one?"

Taking off the mittens, Gon shrugged. Killua was right; it would have been easier to purchase a cake. He also wouldn't have ended up in such a mess. Yet, there was one reason as to why he hadn't done that. "It's cheaper to make it," He declared, before taking a seat on the chair, hoping for a long conversation. Something told him, that he wasn't going to get that. Which was fine, he needed to do stuff anyway. However, that didn't cause him to move.

"That's true, you cheapskate." Killua stuck his tongue out, not realizing that he couldn't be seen. Yet the cheekiness in his tone was enough to give away that he was only fooling around with Gon. It was refreshing, to see this side of Killua. A side that Gon didn't know that the sixteen-year-old had, yet, found to be something he wanted to witness more of.

Taking an orange into his hands, Gon began to peel it, "What brings you out here?" He asked, wedges already being torn apart, and put into his mouth as he listened to Killua and what sounded like two things being hit against each other loudly. This caused Gon to wonder what in the world was the teen that lived downstairs doing.

"I'm getting ready for work," Killua replied, letting out a groan that stated how much he really didn't want to go out that day. Still, if he wanted things or even make the bills on time, he had to work. Hitting his footwear together a few more times, he deemed his shoes good enough, "But my shoes got really muddy while I was messing with some friends, so I left them out to dry."

"Ah," Gon nodded his head, taking in the information that he had been given. Yet, he couldn't help but want to know more about Killua. Especially when he had brought up the fact that he worked. That only made Gon wonder how someone like Killua could hold a job while still being in high school. "How do you manage a job and school?"

Laughing, Killua rolled his eyes, "Like any other human?" He responded as he sat down and began to put on his socks, soon working off the laces of his shoes. Looking at how dirty his shoes where Killua could only think that they would need a good washing once he got off of work. That or he would have to get himself a new pair.

"Pft, you know what I meant," Gon huffed, the orange now was done, but another taking its place in his hand. A small idea formed in his head, but also being let go of really quickly. He didn't think his friendship with Killua was quite to the point where he could just go over and give him a small bag of oranges and see if he could get Killua to understand why he enjoyed them so much. It was all pretty pointless at that moment. Maybe as time went by, it could be possible.

With a small chuckle, Killua tied his shoes; double knots like he had taught his sister when they were younger, no more than eight. "I work part time," Killua explained, before going into detail, "Four hours on weekdays and six hours on weekends. However, I got every Wednesday off, and sometimes Sundays."

Looking at his watch, clear blue eyes grew wide. Standing quickly, Killua made his way to the still open balcony door. There was a rush in his tone as he spoke aloud, "Ah shit, I need to go. Sorry, Gon!"

Standing without thought, Gon let words slip, "So soon?" He felt a dull ache in his chest and a sense of loneliness. A part of him wanted to ask Killua not to leave, while another said that he couldn't do that. Killua wasn't much to him, just a friend he was still getting to know. At times, Gon wondering if he was only using Killua and his situation so that he would have someone to talk to and not feel so alone.

He might be, he didn't really know.

"Yeah… I'll be late if I don't leave now," Killua felt something pull at his heart and he hated the feeling. Breathing in, and then out slowly, he entered his home, "Maybe we can talk later? I have a school project that needs working on." He suggested.

"Sure," Gon smiled, taking in how the sound of a door being closed after Killua had said goodbye. Gon sat there alone for another hour before going back into his apartment, the now cooled cake in his hands. He needed a distraction from the empty feeling that was eating away at him. Along with the desperate, lonely one…

 

 

* * *

 

 

Hours passed, Gon discovered if he removed a small layer from the top of the cake and a good inch all around, he could save the cake, which he did. Once that had been done, Gon had been forced to take a different approach of what he would end up taking for his coworker's party. Luckily, after texting the party planner and getting the okay to bring a little something different from a cake, Gon felt like he could rest easy. If he had gotten a no, he was sure he would have just bought a cake.

Stepping out into the balcony, a slice of cake he hadn't used and a cup of almond milk in hand, Gon sat down on his chair and set his snack on the table. After getting so worry about something as simple as a cake, Gon wanted nothing more than to relax and enjoy the sunset until he would have to go in for work that night. Normally, he went in at six, but tonight he didn't have work until an hour before midnight struck.

Shutting his eyes, Gon allowed himself to become relaxed. However, he felt himself jump as he heard a voice, although he should have expected it. Not that Gon truly recalled that Killua had suggested they speak again. Even so, Gon couldn't say that he wasn't happy to know what Killua was out there, even if he sounded a bit irritated.

"Hey! Took you long enough. I've been working out here for an hour!" Killua barked, running his hand through his hair, trying to get the loose locks to stay out of his face. The only thing that caused was getting a bit of deep red paint into his hair. That didn't matter too much, he was very happy to know that he wouldn't be alone while he worked on his project. It was boring out when all he had with him was a heart made of paper and craft foam, that he had to paint perfectly to every last detail. As well as his thoughts.

"Sorry, sorry, you should have called." Gon stabbed his fork into his slice of cake, lifting a small piece of it to his lips. He didn't realize clearly what he had said or the fact that Killua couldn't exactly call him. Gon hadn't given the other his phone number. Taking the spongy sweet treat into his mouth, Gon chewed a little before swallowing, a question leaving after for Killua, "What are you doing?"

Blue eyes narrowed, a slightly annoyed expression appearing on Killua's appearance, not that Gon could witness it. However, Gon could hear the emotion on the other's tone as he spoke loudly, his voice sounding as if he was close by, much more than he really was. "Seriously? Have you forgotten what we spoke about?" Killua asked, paint brush being dipped into murky water to be cleaned off, right after into another cup that had much clearer waters.

"Huh?" Wide amber eyes blinked a couple of times in confusion. The tan male had no idea what Killua was talking about. Gon couldn't exactly remember coming to agreement on something. It might have been the worry about making sure the cake was ready for tonight that caused him to lose thought of everything else that was around him.

Taking another fork full of cake, Gon hummed as he thought, eyes getting much wider as something lit up in his mind, a memory coming to, "Oh! Are you working on your project?" Gon called out loudly, the sound of his palm coming into contact with his forehead ringing out after. Geez, sometimes he could be so forgetful.

Paintbrush in his mouth, Killua took his time to answer. His fingers were slowly working to press a tub and squeezing more rich red paint into a palette. A little after, a mixing stick blending the hue with a few spots of black, turning the red darker and leaving it not so bright. Satisfied, Killua pulled the brush from his lips and dipped it into the paint, his reply flowing as he stroked paint onto his project, "Yup. You're not as much of an idiot as you make yourself out to be,"

"Heh, I guess not." Gon let out a hearty laugh, taking in Killua's joke. The way that Killua had lightly chuckled had been enough to let Gon understand that his words were that and nothing harmful. With his slice of cake now gone, milk being all that's left, Gon picked up the cup, taking a drink after his next set of words, "Why are you working on it outside?"

"I got kicked out. The paint I am using is too strong and giving my boyfriend a headache," Killua explained, teeth gnawing into his bottom lip. Fear once again flooding his form, drowning him in the way that he had felt the last time the two of them had spoken. The frightened feeling that Gon would see him different came back to him. Yet, all at the same time, anger filled him. A hate that seemed to grow day by day for the man he now forced himself to say and make his heart and mind still love. "Not that he cares that his smoking makes me short of breath," Killua paintbrush almost snapped while he muttered, the tone so low that Gon didn't catch what had been said.

"What exactly are you making?" It was because of the lack of hearing Killua's words that Gon continued to ask questions, the conversations keeping more positive than negative. It was also that Gon didn't want to ask about Killua's partner or the way they lived. There was just something about the topic that made Gon uneasy. Frightful even. He wasn't a coward, but that bravery that he normally felt seemed to dissipate.

Perhaps it was because the nineteen-year-old knew there was nothing that he could do to help Killua. Nothing that he could think of. No, that wasn't right. Gon could think of millions of things he wanted to do to Killua's partner. Most of which involved his fist being planted right into the man's face. However, Gon knew what the outcome of that would be.

Gon simply couldn't break into Killua's home, beat the shit out of Killua's partner and get away with it. There would be consequences. All of which wouldn't be good, even if the man was beating and having a relationship with someone who was still considered a minor. If Gon were to help Killua, it would have to be done without violence. Not only that but Killua himself would have to eventually decide if he truly wished out or not…

The way that Gon could keep things so simple and carefree was always on Killua's mind. It caused him to smile, and grin like a fool. Yet, feel a bit of envy for the other. If only he could live that way. Killua knew that he could, it was more than possible. The issue was that even if Killua understood this, he found so many reasons that lead for it to never happen. He held himself back, much worse than his partner did so.

Fear was a powerful thing. Even so, at that moment Killua felt something that mixed with the jealousy that he was throbbing in his heart. That something being unknown, but it might have been named hope. Either way, Killua did know one thing. He might have had some negative emotions towards Gon, but Gon was the only one too lately bring a true smile to his face.

That smile appeared on Killua's face as he painted, excitement in his tone with each saying that left his lips, "A human heart! We're studying the human body in my science class. Everyone got a different body part, excluding the private areas since my class isn't mature enough for that." Killua might not have enjoyed school as much as he should, but it was artistic projects that made school worth it. With animated gestures, Killua continued to explain, "I have to create a three-dimensional model and make a poster board with seven to ten facts about the heart."

Humming, Gon took in everything said, a grin coming to his face as he remembered something, a time when he was about Killua's age and had to turn in such assignments too. However, if the truth was being told, Gon never did do a good job. He rushed his work a lot, turning in messy art projects and hard to read reports. "How much do you have left?" Gon questioned, interested if schools were anything like they once were.

It was silly, how Gon felt old when he actually only two years older than Killua. Schools couldn't have changed that much, apart of Gon knew this. Yet, he had asked anyway. Then again, Gon hadn't attended classes in Yorknew and didn't know how the school system worked. It was because of this, that there was a possibility that things were not like Gon was used to.

"Not much on the model, I just have to finish painting this. I want to make it look as realistic as possible. It's for my final grade, and let's just say I haven't been doing all that well with turning in homework," Laughing sheepishly, Killua ran the paintbrush slowly, staining the work he was still doing with a new hue of color, this time a blue to express the veins that ran along the form of the heart. As the brush made its way into the dirty water to be cleaned once again, Killua's face shifted to something filled with displeasure, unhappy with himself as he went on to confessing his lack of work he had to Gon, "As for the facts. Ah— I haven't done them at all."

"How come? Too much work?" Gon asked, his eyes shutting as he leaned his head back to rest as comfortable as he could on the lawn chair that he had out on his balcony. The night was setting in as the stars were starting to make their way onto the night sky. The moon shined brighter now that the sun was gone and was giving its light to the other half of the world. Yet, even if the sun had vanished, and the darkness set in the town, and Gon's home, the adult didn't make a move to stand so that he could turn on the light that would brighten up the balcony.

Gon preferred that it be kept off, the dark air always seemed to have a calming effect on him. Although, he had been told many times that he was bright and warm just like the sun. In a way, he guessed he was similar to it, but not in the matter that most people seemed to think that he was. To Gon, he was the sun because he shared the same love it did for the moon. It may have seemed cheesy, but it was how he felt. Even if he had never really been a night owl until the moment he got his current job.

Exhaling softly, Gon's hands settled on his stomach, raising and falling with each and every gentle breath that he took in and out. His mind and concentration only focused on Killua, and anything that was to leave the younger teen. Gon's heart began to pound oddly once again, but it went overlooked like each time before. After all, it meant nothing.

White locks of hair swayed, "No, no," Killua kept shaking his head, even if he couldn't be seen. Capping the tubes of paint that he had, he began to put his supplies away, the heart that he had been working on finished for the moment. All that was left was for the paint to dry. Later, Killua would go with a fine print marker and label certain parts of it that he needed too for extra points, "We don't have a computer or internet. My phone is a basic flip phone with only text and call. It's pretty much useless when it comes to this."

"I don't doubt it," Gon spoke loudly, a frown on his face. He didn't like what Killua had told him. If he knew anything, it was that nowadays everything was done online. His last year of high school, all his teachers had decided to no longer do printed reports. They now need to be typed out and e-mailed before the due date. He had been lucky that he was living with Ging, and that his father had been willing to give him anything that he asked for. Of course, Gon never took advantage of this, only when he knew he truly needed something and didn't have enough to pay it on his own with the money he saved up when he worked during the summer. Thinking of all this and more, led to Gon's next question, "What do you plan to do?"

"I'm going to get it all done at school instead of having lunch." Killua's answer came out quickly. He had been through this before, so he already knew what needed to happen if he wished to get his project done. Sure, it was a pain in the ass, but it was what had to be done. It was better than getting into a fight over such a thing again with his boyfriend. "Maybe, Miss Krueger will let me work on it instead of doing her art assignment. I'll just have to kiss ass to her, tell her how cute she is! Yuck!"

"Good luck with that, Killua." The thought of Killua having to tell some old looking teacher she was cute brought out a rich ring of laughter from Gon's lips. If he had been eating, the nineteen-year-old was sure he would have choked on his meal and died right then and there. The tan male was lucky that he had finished long ago with his nighttime snack.

Killua rolled his blue eyes, but a small grin hung on his lips. The pale teen didn't understand what was so funny about his predicament. Then again, Gon didn't know a thing about evil hag that was named Biscuit Krueger. Gon also didn't know that she was the school's best-looking teacher and that everyone thought she was a young woman who just began her career, when in fact, she was actually over the age of fifty.

Killua could endlessly rant about how she was the worst. However, he could also go on about how she was really awesome. Yet, he'd never admit it because it would only feed her ego. Of course, the high schooler kept hushed about all that. He didn't see how bringing up such things would even interest Gon.

Working his paintbrush back into the dirty water, Killua mixed it, watching as the paint began to ease off the bristles. "Thanks, I'm going to need it!" He answered a bit after, letting out a small laugh to join Gon's that was still richly filling the air. Killua wished to listen to it more, but he didn't want their talk to die out and become awkward. Recalling the events from earlier that day, he turned the conversation towards Gon, "Enough about me, how'd the cake turn out?"

Amber eyes blinked, Gon not expecting Killua to ask. It wasn't that he minded or anything, Gon simply wanted to hear more about Killua. However, Gon guessed it was only natural for him to speak of himself as well. The same way that he wanted to know more about the other, Killua must have wanted to know about him. At least, Gon hoped that he wasn't fooling himself for thinking in such way.

Thinking a bit, Gon finally let the words slip from him as he looked at the night sky while its colors became darker, allowing the stars to shine just a little brighter. It was nothing like home, but for that moment, it was enough, "Um… I managed to save a good chuck of the cake. I ended up turning them into cake pops." Gon explained, his tone a little tired and drained. The sound of his voice hinting more towards how doing such a thing had been a drag and not that talk with Killua was boring.

Killua didn't have to pay attention to understand what Gon meant. It was pretty obvious that burning the cake in the first place wasn't something that Gon was really happy with. Still, Killua was glad to know that Gon had managed to save the baked treat. Especially after he admitted what the poor cake had become, "Oh! Cake pops are amazing." Killua exclaimed in delight, his tummy making a tiny noise. When it came to sweets, Killua always had room for food.

While the younger teen continued to paint and add small details to his work, Gon and Killua spoke. Their conversation went from one thing to another, most of the topics being trivial in the matter. Yet, it wasn't a bad thing, Gon learned a lot about Killua and how school was like. Most being how crazy smart the kid was, although he had a hard time getting work turned in on time. Killua, on the other hand, discovered a little more about Gon when he was younger, and what lead him to come all the way from his birthplace to such a large city like Yorknew.

Even if both were having such a wonderful time, every talk they started, had to come to its end. This time, Killua being the one to end it as he took the time on his small and used flip phone that was sitting by the palette of paint he had, "Ugh,"

"What's the matter?" Gon questioned after swallowing the orange slice he had in his mouth. It seemed that no matter what he did, he always had an orange or two when he spoke with the white-haired male. Killua had called him a fat ass for it. Yet, the statement simply drew out laughter from Gon. He was pretty sure Killua was right. After all, he had cake; there had been no need to have oranges too.

Starting to collect his items, Killua sighed heavily, a little after, words leaving, "I need to turn in for the night, I got work tomorrow." Bundling up everything into his hands, Killua stood. His teeth bit onto his bottom lip, and a million thoughts racing through his head. Something deep within him wanted to ask Gon to stand up and lean over the balcony so that they could see each other.

Yet, the teen took steps that headed to the direction of the door that leads inside. He didn't need to get closer to Gon. What they had was more than enough in that moment. Taking the handle to the door, Killua slid it open without dropping a thing. It was as he was about to enter, he heard Gon call out one last time. "Have a good rest, Killua,"

"You too, Gon…" Killua slowly went into his home, and shut the door, his heart beating an unknown rhythm of loneliness he couldn't recall feeling so strongly since the day his sister left.

 

* * *

 

When work ran slow, Ikalgo did his best to make sure that his employees were doing well. Of all of them, it was Killua who worried him the greatest. It seemed that each time he saw the kid; he came in with a new bruise or cut. This time, what had him on edge was how darkly bruised and swollen Killua's right wrist was. Killua's expression masking skillfully each and every emotion he was feeling while he worked and moved things around. Ikalgo only had gotten a good look at the injury to know or at least believe that it was broken. He wasn't in any way a doctor, but just looking at it was enough to tell the short, red-faced man that Killua must have been in pain because of it. He wanted to tell Killua to go home and get his injury checked out. However, Ikalgo knew how Killua's stubborn ways worked, the teen wouldn't go home until his shift was over.

Sighing, Ikalgo wondered to himself how he should go about asking Killua about it or if he even should at all. Personal issues had to be left at the door the moment one came into their workplace. Were they not? Still, Ikalgo couldn't ignore what was around him or that his employees were hurt. It didn't help at all that he took pride into getting close with his staff and becoming friends with them. The short man always believed that if he was friendly so would the people who worked for him. For the most part, gaining friendships with the people who made his small restaurant run was proving well. Even long after the person would leave and move forward with their lives and go off to achieve the career they dreamed of.

With another sigh, Ikalgo decided that yes, he needed to intrude into Killua's personal life and discover what was happening. He simply couldn't get rid of that awful feeling that there was something more to Killua, something that shouldn't be occurring in the first place. A part of him wanted to go for the straightforward approach, another saying to beat around the bushes. In the end, the owner of the small fast food joint decided he would ask with a little bit of both in mind. The thing was, he wasn't sure if he should bring up Killua's lover or not.

While Ikalgo didn't actually know what was going on, he had his ideas of what might possibly be happening behind closed doors when no one could see the couple. Killua was getting too hurt for it to always be because he was falling off his skateboard while doing tricks or riding over from home and back. Killua's boyfriend had also come looking for him, only to leave angry when he didn't find the white-haired male there. If that wasn't enough, Ikalgo had witnessed Killua and his boyfriend having an argument before without their knowledge of him being there. Whenever he thought of that event, it brought back that awful feeling that he was currently still getting.

It didn't matter what Ikalgo told himself, he couldn't deny that something was off. Ikalgo only hoped that one day he'd get a confirmation, because the second he did, he would make sure that Killua got the help that he needed. At that moment, Ikalgo was going to keep snooping around; it was all he could do. He couldn't just state something was happening without knowing if he was at least seventy-five percent right. Ikalgo didn't wish to cause issues for Killua. Yet, all at the same time, he was more than willing to raise them if it meant to pull Killua out of the situation he feared that the young teen was in. After all, Killua was a good friend to Ikalgo, and he'd do just about anything to keep the teen as safe as he can.

Taking a deep breath, Ikalgo fixed his tie as he exhaled. With his back straight, he looked around taking in that the restaurant wasn't too crowded that night. One step at a time, Ikalgo made his way over to the much taller teen that was leaning against the counter, seeming lost in thought. Another deep breath, and he spoke, tone even, but a hint of worry, "Killua, are you doing alright?" He asked before he added to his statement. He tried hard to keep his cool as he paid attention to the way Killua reacted. "Did you and your partner fight again?"

"Oh, Ikalgo!" Killua jumped with a false surprise, his left hand going to clench the fabric over his heart and the nametag that he wore. His real name not being on it, but one he had created. Letting go, the teen dramatically spoke; the worry on his face so fake that Ikalgo couldn't help but roll his eyes and sigh.

"He's on to us!" Killua was doing it again, avoiding Ikalgo's questions. It was like this every time, and Ikalgo had to ask himself if the pale teen did this because he was getting worried over nothing or because Killua was trying really hard to hide something. In the end, all that the short man did was watch the scene play out.

"Quick, take me away before he tears us apart and our love affair can be no more!" Killua shouted before he shut his eyes and let himself fall into Ikalgo's arms. With a yelp, Ikalgo pulled back, watching as the teen hit the floor hard enough to make him wince. Maybe, he should have caught Killua like all the other times before…

Looking up from the floor and to his boss, Killua's face was stained with a displeased frown. Slowly sitting up, he rubbed at his head, a small glare in his gaze as he barked, "H-hey! What kind of secret lover are you?! You were supposed to catch me, boss!" A small laugh seeped from Killua's lips while he stood up, hands going to his hips as he waited for an answer. There was no hint on Killua's face that he was in pain, although the sensation was there.

With a shake of his head, Ikalgo raised his hands, "Sorry, Killua… but you're heavier than you look." He bluntly declared only to regret the statement moments after. Looking right into Killua's clear blue eyes, he saw a fire of anger and rage within them. Maybe, he should have worded his sentence a bit better.

"You calling me fat?" Killua asked as he leaned forward, pretty much towering over his short boss. There was a dark expression on his face, seeming much more sinister with the way that his long bangs covered over his eyes. "Is that what you're saying?"

"No!" Ikalgo called out a little faster than he had hoped for, arms still up in the air. At times, Ikalgo couldn't help but think that something wasn't all there in Killua's mind. That one day the other would have a breakdown. What kind, he couldn't say. He only hoped it would occur when Killua was around friends who could help, and not that man that Ikalgo felt was nothing but bad news.

Leaning back, rich laughter came out of Killua, tiny tears coming to the bottom lid of his eyes, "I'm joking, Boss," The teen smiled, looking a little longer than he should have at the shorter man. While he'd never admit it, he did feel something for the other. It was a little more than friendship. Killua could easily call it love if he knew what real love was meant to be. Yet, even if it was love, it wasn't one that most would think of. To Killua, Ikalgo was like a father, maybe an uncle.

The way he felt for his boss should have been what he felt for his own family members but never did. Well, that was excluding Alluka. The love he had for her was something he never could for his other siblings or even parents. Sighing, Killua felt himself calm down, eyes shutting to get rid of the thoughts that were going through his head. He didn't need to think about all that, it made him wonder if he was even allowed to love.

Watching as Killua's eyes became distant, worry came to Ikalgo once again. He didn't like to see the young teen seem so out of it. As if his body was there but his thoughts and self far away, lost in a dimension that Killua couldn't dare to escape from. Reaching out to the white-haired teen, Ikalgo placed his hand on Killua's arm, "Killua, are things really okay?" He needed to know, Ikalgo had to get a straight answer. Without it, he wasn't sure if he would be able to sleep well.

Blue eyes blinked, Killua's sight taking in his boss and the expression that painted on his red-hued skin. With a sharp, yet small nod, he spoke, this time a serious expression tainting his eyes. Killua didn't avoid the topic. Although, a tiny voice that sounded so much like the man he lived with told him to do so, and lie. "We're working things out, properly this time."

They were, at least Killua hoped so. After the last fight they had, his boyfriend had promised things would change, that they would sit down and lay everything out and finally work out all the issues that were causing them to break apart. Of course, this wasn't the first time, nor would it be the last time that Killua would hear such a promise. The teen knew better than to believe it. Killua still found himself hanging to the hope that it would actually happen. That this time they would talk about everything and go back to the life that they had before all the fighting started to change into what it now was.

Even so, Killua knew one thing. Nothing was going to get resolved, and the endless cycle would come circling around continuously.

When he thought about such a fact, Killua could only wish for someone to truly be his secret lover and come take him away. It was laughable, fairy tales like such didn't come true. The only thing that Killua could really do was make what he was into a better person. As long as he did that, maybe, just maybe his lover would be happy once again and things would finally stop. Killua needed to change. The thing was, how was he to change when he had no idea what he was really doing wrong? When everything, even down to the small trivial things were enough to make his boyfriend snap at him.

At this point, Killua believed that the only way out was to become an emotionless puppet. That was something that he couldn't do, he was too stubborn to go that far for anyone. Or maybe it was just the fact that Killua was making friends for who he was that caused him to stay the way he was. Which was why things would stay the same. Did it matter what was the cause? Killua was brought back to reality by the sound of Ikalgo's voice.

"I'm glad," Ikalgo smiled, in the back of his mind already deciding that he was going to do research. He didn't know why, and he might be over exaggerating Killua's situation. However, there was something the teen wasn't being open to, and the restaurant owner knew that if he linked everything he knew together some sort of answer would emerge. "I don't like to see you… hurt."

Killua's heart rate picked up a little bit at Ikalgo's words. Breathing in, and slowly back out, the white-haired teen threw his hands up and then crossed them behind his head. The actions caused his hurt wrist to radiate in pain, but he ignored it, tone loud as he turned around and began to make his way to the front counter. "Welp! Looks like I should get back to work. You too, Ikalgo, a boss like you shouldn't lag."

Standing by the counter, Killua hummed to himself feeling bored and praying that someone would finally come in and order something to eat. If there was anything that Killua hated more, it was when days were slow. It was funny really, that he was this way. A lot of his co-workers always gave him a funny look or called him crazy. After all, slow days to them were the best; it meant that they didn't need to work as hard. It was also days where Ikalgo would let a few of them go home earlier. Killua was never one who left early, he'd do anything to stay late or work more hours. To be busy and forget all about what was waiting for him at home.

Sighing, the white-haired teen was slowly falling into his inner reflections. However, it all came to an end and he soon perked up as the small bell over the door rang out. Standing properly and ready to do his job, Killua watched a tall, lean man with round sunglasses come in. Once the male was before him, Killua spoke loudly and brightly, the tone a little too chirpy that it a quick thought of Gon came to Killua's mind before it faded away, "Hello! Welcome to the Squid Stop! What can I get you?"

"Hi," The tall man spoke, eyeing Killua from behind his glasses. Slouching forward, a thoughtful expression filled the man, his dark brown eyes leaving the working teen and raising over to the menu that hung above, "Let's see... I'll take number four, but can you exchange the fires for seasoned one? Also, no mayo, but extra onions."

Punching in the order, Killua looked at the man that was still busy staring at the menu, looking so unsure of what to order. Waiting for the man to say anything else, Killua took this time to get a better look at the guy. The teen wasn't interested in his looks at all, but the fact that the man was wearing a white coat seemed to bit odd. As far as Killua knew, there weren't any hospitals that were nearby; there weren't any science labs either. This was also the first time that he has seen the man. Maybe, the guy really liked squid or seafood? Killua shook his head; he must really be bored if he was getting lost in the understanding of why a man in a lab coat was ordering from a seafood place. "Alright, what size do you want your meal?"

"Do you happen to have an extra large?" The man asked, giving the teen a slightly embarrassed look. However, it vanished as he leaned back and shut his eyes, right hand going to pet his clothed stomach. Moments later, he spoke again, a small laugh in his deep tone, "I might not look it, but I can eat a horse."

Killua tried hard not to laugh, but he knew that even if the man was really thin it was possible for him to be able to eat large amounts of food. After all, Killua could eat a whole lot if he was hungry enough. His friends frequently questioned how that was possible when he was so thin. The reason being that he skated and walked everywhere he went. Another being that he didn't really eat at home. He absolutely loved to cook, but the moment that his partner was home, he would suddenly lose whatever hungry feeling he felt. Keeping his need to laugh in, Killua poked at the screen as he answered, "Yes, we do."

"Good, good, I'll take that," The doctor spoke, eyes back on the menu that hung over Killua's head. Dark brown eyes searched for anything else that seemed good enough to fill his hungry belly. However, as his eyes traveled downward a gasp left his lips. The tall male's hand moving without a second thought and taking hold of Killua's, lifting it up as he spoke aloud, "Kid, your hand? What did you do to it? It's swollen!"

"W-what are you doing?" Killua almost screeched as he tore his hand away from the man's grip. Pain ran up his arm, but the teen held back the hiss. He was too busy boring his blue eyes at the man who had touched him without permission. If it wasn't for the fact that he was currently working, Killua knew he would have snapped and screamed at the man, and warned him that if he even did such a thing again, he would tear him a new one.

Hands going up, the man's face turned red, much deeper than it had the first time. Soon an apology left him, and Killua could tell that the guy had really meant no harm. "Sorry! I'm Dr. Paladiknight! I own a small, free clinic not too far from here. I normally don't go around grabbing people, I swear. I just noticed your hurt wrist and the doctor in me went right into action. Sorry again!"

"Uh… it's fine," Killua bit his lip. Even if he wanted too, he couldn't stay mad at the honest guy. Especially when he asked Killua to look at it once again. There was just something about the doctor before him that Killua felt that he could trust. It was that feeling that the young teen felt that caused him to extend his hand and give it to the doctor before him.

"How did you manage to cause this?" Dr. Paladiknight asked, looking closely as the bruising. He couldn't really tell if it was broken or not, but there was a good chance of it. The coloring was a deep hue of purple, with very little yellows to show signs of healing. At times like these, the doctor wished that they were in his office where he could get a better look, and even x-ray the boy's wrist.

"I fell from my skateboard while I was doing a stunt at the park," The lie slipped so easily from Killua's lips. There wasn't even a hint of hesitation, despite the doctor looking right into his blue orbs. The teen knew why he was doing this; he didn't want the older man to know what he dealt with. It wasn't like he would believe him anyway.

Lying was easier sometimes.

"I suggest you come after work, and let me properly check that wrist of yours, there's a good chance you've broken it." Dr. Paladiknight suggested after he had gently let go of the other's hand. He wanted to say more, but he never had the chance. It felt as if the other was trying to hide something. He wasn't dumb, but this wasn't new to him either. As a doctor, he had seen this one too many times.

"No, it's fine." God, Killua wanted to swear at himself for saying that. It wasn't fine, and a part of him did want the help. Warning signs, on the other hand, were screaming out that he shouldn't. There were too many risks if his lover discovered that he had gone to see someone for help. Killua could handle the pain; this wasn't the first time. Something even told Killua, it wasn't going to be the last one either. Breathing out, Killua collect his thoughts, he was working and that's what he should be doing. Putting his smile a little brighter, he looked at the doctor and asked, "Are you done ordering?"

The man nodded, and Killua finished up the order before letting the other know how much his meal was going to cost. Swiping his card, the doctor was off with his cup in hand. Killua didn't pay much mind to him as the doctor filled the cup at the drinking station. His mind was focused on his job and talking to the few coworkers that were there, everyone putting their part to make sure the order ran smoothly. After all, they did have a few new faces in the crew.

"Number Four-O-three!" Killua called out loudly as he set the doctor's order down on the counter. Placing some napkins and condiments into the bag, he folded the top and rolled it up a bit to shut it. About to turn around and ask one of the new recruits if they wanted to take the front, Killua stopped as he heard the tall man call out to him.

"Thanks, kid! Here, my card, in case you change your mind," Dr. Paladiknight quickly pulled out a business card from his front pocket and held it out to Killua. The teen looked at the white piece of paper for a few moments before taking it into his hands. Looking up, Killua's eyes met with the other's brown ones as the tall man took his bag of food and spoke, "Just because one can't afford going to a doctor doesn't mean they shouldn't get checked. Plus, like I said, I work for free!"

With a wave of his hand, Dr. Paladiknight was out of the door. Killua watched him from the window as he vanished in the direction that must have lead to work. Blinking, his eyes went to the paper in his hand. He was debating in his mind if he should go or not. The louder voice screaming that he shouldn't and every risk that would come with it. However, it was in the moment that he turned and was about to throw the card into the trashcan that Killua's boss said something. The words making Killua jump, for he hadn't even noticed that Ikalgo had been watching. "Take his offer,"

"Ugh fine! I'll go after work." Killua answered loudly, a frown on his face. Shoving the card into his pocket, the white-haired teen began to walk away to the back where all the stock was. He needed something to do, even if it wasn't even his job to be back there. Killua knew that Ikalgo wouldn't get mad at him. As long as he did work, he could keep his job.

Hours passed, and Killua kept himself busy, leaving everything that normally crawled into his mind behind. Back once again on the front counter, the teen's shift began to dwindle until the hands of the clock struck and marked the end of his shift. Now that worked was over, Killua slid to the back room and began to gather his things, which wasn't much, just an old skateboard. Slowly walking out, he almost crashed into Ikalgo who has been making his way over. "Ah! Sorry, Boss!"

"Don't worry... Killua, you have the weekend off," Ikalgo smiled while the two made their way over to the door that opened up to the dining area. Making their way to the front of the shop, Ikalgo held the door open for the teen, as if knowing that Killua would have used his bad hand to open it. Watching as Killua walked out, Ikalgo sighed and spoke again, "It looks like you can use a break."

"Thank, Ikalgo. It's no wonder why you're the only one for me." With eye shut, Killua grinned. There was so much he wanted to say. Maybe even break and confess it all. Yet, he couldn't help but want to throw out that joke instead. He was used to them and even if wanted to spill out everything, something deep within didn't let him. Just the very fact made him wonder why it was that he could so easily tell Gon and no one else. Killua allowed the concept to fly away, "I'm off! Don't miss me too much!"

"Be safe!" Ikalgo called out as he watched the teen hop on his skateboard and roll away, hopefully to the clinic. Turning around, the man headed to his office. Something told him that he was over exaggerating Killua's relationship and the situation it was in. Yet, there were too many signs that pointed at domestic abuse. Ikalgo didn't know how long it would take to prove if he was right or wrong. However, he wasn't going to stop until he discovered the truth or Killua finally confessed to him what is really going on, without hiding behind all the lies.

 

* * *

 

Gon's job at the supermarket wasn't fun, but it also wasn't boring. It was right in the middle, depending on what he was doing. Normally, he was sent to the back and put his muscles to work. At least, that's how his boss put it whenever he had Gon unload trucks that came by to deliver new shipments. For the most part, Gon didn't mind carrying large, heavy boxes. It really did give him the exercise that he needed. It wasn't that Gon didn't work out. He did, just not like he use to. Nowadays, his workout was a five-mile jog after he woke up, which normally only happened three times a week.

Of course, if there was anything that Gon liked most of his job, it was working the front counter between the hours of eight and nine at night, weekdays only. It was during that time; that a certain someone came in. Gon didn't know their name, but to him, the pale-haired skater who always bought the same three items was the best part of the job.

Never mind that the guy never spoke to Gon, even if the nineteen-year-old tried to start conversation each time. Gon wasn't one to give up. He knew that one day he would get the other to talk to him. Maybe they could go out on a date. Wait, scratch that, Gon was pretty sure someone as attractive as the skater was taken. There had been times he'd come in with an older man, and together they would buy food that was clearly meant to feed two. Not that it stopped Gon from trying to pick up the white-haired male.

Ah, Gon hated the feeling of having a crush. Still, he couldn't help but feel his heart beat a little faster as the sliding doors opened, the white-haired skater walking in right on time. Gon's eyes lingering at the profile of the man in all black as he headed to the candy sections of the store, before making his way to the sodas and finishing off where the chips were. Was it creepy for Gon's eyes to remain so long on another man? It might have been, but Gon didn't care as the male placed his items on the conveyor belt, eyes never once looking up.

"Hey, how's it going?" Gon spoke with a cheerful tone, eyes sparkling when blue met with his amber ones. Maybe, just maybe, the other would finally reply back. Gon's hopes were raised too high, and he knew it when the skater looked away and began to pull out the exact change from his black sweaters pocket.

Feeling the other's fingers touch his own lightly, Gon smiled while he took the money and put it into the now opened register. Before he could ask if the pale, freckled faced boy wanted to keep his receipt, the teen was already making his way out the door. Gon's amber gazing taking in how the skateboard hit the ground before it was mounted, a swift kick setting it to motion as the male rolled away. The items he purchased in the small white, plastic bag that Gon had placed them in.

Breathing in, Gon let out a slow sigh, "Thank you, please come again." He whispered, a lovesick grin still on his face. There was always the next day to make conversation with the stranger who was quickly taking off with Gon's heart.

 

* * *

 

Killua was nervous, his hands shaking a bit as he reached into the small box of chocolate that he had recently bought. After leaving the store, he made his way to the address on the card that had been given to him by the doctor while he was working. Killua didn't know how long he had been standing at the side of the front sliding doors, his skateboard leaning again the wall as he ate what he did every night. All he did know was that he had been there for a while.

The teen was lost in his thinking, like always, about many things. Everything swam in his head, eating him away, most being negative, rather than positive. One of the ideas that lingered the longest was about the cashier who always tried to start conversations. The other being about whether or not he should have a doctor look at his wrist to see if it was broken or not.

At that moment, his mind was back to the cashier, simply to keep his anxiety and fears under control. Killua didn't know much about the store clerk, only that he saw him just about every night he went to get his nightly meal. That was, if one could a box of chocolate robots, a bag of chips and a melon soda an actual meal.

If there was anything Killua could really say about the man, it was that he had really nice amber eyes, a smile that could light up the sky and freckles on his tan skin that looked like constellations of stars had crashed right onto his face. His voice was low and attractive, with a hint of joy that at times Killua could swear he'd heard similar. Yet, no matter how much Killua tried to put two and two together, he failed to find the link as to why he felt like he had heard it elsewhere. Perhaps, Killua was just so used to having the other talk to him after work and while he paid for his items that he was imagining things that were not there.

Still, even with all that Killua wasn't interested in whatever the other had to say. It was mostly because the teen knew he didn't and shouldn't go around making friends. Especially friends who were clearly interested in more than a friendship with him. Which was the exact feeling he got from the store clerk with a strange name on his name tag that read out as "Freecss". If Killua was being honest, he couldn't really call it a feeling, it was more along the lines of a truth being told. After all, in the months since he's noticed Freecss, the man had at least thrown him three pick-up lines every week.

While normally Killua would ignore the other, there was a small part of him that hated the man he knew so little about. Hate was a strong word, but it was the best way he could describe the anger that he felt for Freecss. If it weren't for the idiot straight out flirting with him while Killua had been shopping with his boyfriend, then his arm would have been perfectly fine.

However, Killua knew he shouldn't have an ill will towards the store clerk. Freecss didn't know what Killua's partner was like or what he did to the teen. He more than likely didn't even know that Killua was taken. There was no real reason for Killua to hate the man. Yet, to keep himself from falling into the deeper hole that was his self-hate, Killua blamed and hated the man, a man who meant no harm.

Oh, if only Killua could find it within to take that hate and display it to his lover. When it all came down to the point, neither Killua nor Freecss was to blame for the actions that Killua's partner took. Although inwardly Killua knew this, told himself this, he kept with the spider webs of lies and second guessing. He continued to blame himself and at times others around him. Which in turn only drowned him deeper into the relationship he so desperately needed to get out of.

Leaning against the wall, Killua felt himself sink, his heart feeling heavy, like a stone. Clear blue eyes shut, the memory of the cashier shifting and become a question of why he was there and if he was ready for what was to come if he entered the small clinic. Killua wasn't ready; he didn't think he'd ever be. It was the nagging voice of Ikalgo that caused him to even consider going in the first place. Killua knew how his boss was, he was going to ask Killua how it went, and what his results were. If Killua didn't give a satisfying answer, the short man would go as far as to come over to the clinic and find out if Killua had in fact been there or not.

Opening his blue orbs, Killua threw the now empty robot looking box in the trash can and picked up his skateboard. Everything he was thinking about was still a jumbled up mess, but Killua knew that at some point, he needed to take a hold of his life and not live in despair. If he could let his anxiety go and become friends with Gon, despite all the negative things that could come with that choice, then Killua could enter a hospital and make sure that his wrist wasn't broken.

Breathing in, the white-haired teen walked to where the door was. With a soft sigh seeping out from Killua, the doors opened and he took a step inside. His gaze took in the white walls, with a childish wallpaper border that had all sorts of zoo animals. It was clear that the clinic got a lot of children more so than adults, from all the toys and kids books in the waiting area. Oddly enough, that idea made Killua feel calm as he made his way to the front desk. It might have been his inner child that caused him to feeling such a sensation. After all, he was still technically a kid.

Standing by the large desk, Killua bit his lips as he tried to keep his mind on one thing and one thing only. Which was getting Dr. Paladiknight to take a look at his injury. Everything else would wait for when Killua felt ready to face them. Change didn't come overnight; neither did letting go of fear. However, at the rate Killua was going, he knew that if he had more moments where he could face his doubts, he'd one day get to the main event that he wanted to change the most.

For now, little steps.

Hearing a small noise, a short woman looked up from the documents that were in her hands, "Hello, how may I help you?" She asked, taking a look at the teen before her, very quickly stopping the enormous bruise on one of his wrists. However, what also caught her attention was the fact that this was the first time seeing the boy. It wasn't every day that someone new came in. When someone did happen to come by, more than not they were accompanied by someone who had been in their establishment beforehand.

Of course, this didn't mean she wouldn't help the young male. The clinic was created to help anyone and everyone in need. It was plainly obvious that this boy needed help. Still, there was this small little aura around the newcomer that made her believe that his wrist wasn't the only thing he needed aid with. However, she simply waited for the white-haired boy to speak, if Leorio caught on to what she was, she knew he'd find a way to discover it. After all, Leorio had a large heart and cared deeply for everyone he treated, good or bad.

Blue eyes shifted as Killua tried to ease away the anxious feeling that was causing his palms to sweat. "Um… Dr. Paladiknight asked me to come by?" Killua said, his tone uneasy while his eyes continued looking, before landing on the small name tag that hung the woman's chest that read as "Melody".

Watching the child, Melody smiled kindly, before swiftly reaching out for a clipboard and pen, "Please sign your name here, and Dr. Paladiknight will be with you as soon as possible." She said, moments after handing the boy the item. With a soft thank you from the injured teen, she watched as he wrote his name with haste, pen in the left hand. A part of her was glad; it was never easy for a patient with a hurt dominant hand to have to use their other.

Once he had his name down, Killua went over to the small waiting area. He didn't question the lack of paperwork or questions he had to fill out. If anything, it made him feel better that he didn't need to deal with all that. Taking a seat, he didn't attempt to become comfortable; he couldn't even if he tired. Pulling out his phone, he flipped it open and stared at the screen.

He wanted to text Canary, but he never knew when his boyfriend would check his phone or even his call history. It would be safer to simply let her know that he got his wrist checked when he saw her at school. She too had been one of the few people that had pestered him about getting it looked at. If Dr. Paladiknight hadn't shown himself, Killua was sure he would have left the injury heal on its own. It wouldn't be the first time or the last. Of course, Ikalgo was one of the reasons he agreed to this as well.

Sometimes, Killua wondered how he got so lucky to have the friends that he had. He wasn't an easy person to deal with. Yet, they stuck around and cared for him, even if he failed to care for himself. They didn't see that he was to blame for everything he went through, but Killua was sure that with time they would. It was only a matter of time before it happened.

"Evan?" At the sound of his fake name, Killua shut his flip phone, before looking up. Right before him was Dr. Paladiknight, who was looking down at some clipboard, while chewing at the end of his pen. It must have been a doctor thing, Killua mused to himself. Especially when one worked for free. With that idea in mind, Killua wondered how the heck the man kept such a place open and filled with everything he needed. Perhaps one day, and if he ever had to come back, he'd ask the man. For now, he just wanted to get this over and done with it.

Standing, the pale teen gave a two finger wave, "That's me," He called out, left hand already gripping his board, and the right being shoved into the pocket of his sweater. It stung a bit, but Killua bit back the pain. He was used to it or at least, he should be… he tried to convince himself.

"Ah! You came after all." Leorio grinned as he looked away from the paperwork. There wasn't much on the sheet, just the name of the teen before him, along with a few things that Melody had noticed when he had come in. That's how Leorio ran things with a new patient. It was after they came by a second time that he got their information. Mostly so that he knew that to look out for, such as sickness, allergies and such. While it wasn't the smartest way to go about it, it seemed to keep people at ease. Also, most people let him know if there was something they could or couldn't be given.

Waving the teen over, he opened the door to allow him to the back of the clinic, "How's the wrist?" Leorio asked while he walked ahead, leading the other to a check-up room.

"It's fine," Killua answered, rolling his eyes as they entered a small room. Taking a seat where he was asked to, Killua pulled out his right hand from his pocket, knowing that his words were bullshit. It was pretty clear that he wasn't fine at all just by looking at the injury. At that moment, Killua began to wonder if his boyfriend was really aiming to break his wrist when he had stepped on it or if it all just been an accident that occurred during their fight. Despite trying to persuade himself that it was the latter, Killua knew that his partner had really wanted to hurt him.

"Be honest," The doctor turned his head and gave Killua a stern look, knowing far too well that the kid was trying to act brave. He'd seen many swollen wrists in his career as a doctor, and never once had a patient not been experiencing pain from it. Some were just better at hiding it; this teen must have been that kind of person. Sighing, Leorio waited for the white-haired teen to give him a truthful answer. Without the truth, it would only make his job harder.

Gaze on the floor, and eyebrows furrowed, Killua exhaled heavily, expressing his annoyance. "It's still really swollen and it hurts to move it, but not much." He admitted, the expression on his face marking how unhappy he was. However, that was all just a mask. Killua was actually really happy to finally be getting it looked at. He just had a really bad habit of acting like he could handle everything and anything. He couldn't, and sometimes he was really grateful that his friends pushed him into doing things he wanted but faltered to do so.

"Okay, let me have a look at it and I'll see what I can do." Leorio took Killua's hand as the teen held it out. Giving a look, his gaze left the injury and met with the boy's blue eyes. With a blink, the doctor watched the other before asking, "How did you hurt yourself again?"

"Fell while skating." Killua lied flawlessly, eyes looking right into the doctor's brown orbs. There was a tiny hint of anxiety, a small fright that he'd get caught in his web of lies. Then again, it wasn't like he was speaking with Gon. This was someone else, and they didn't know Killua. They knew Evan, the random kid with a swollen wrist they had met at a fast food joint. He wasn't Gon, there for Killua had nothing to worry about.

Even so, a small part of him wished it was Gon.

"How long ago?" Leorio asked, giving the injury a small squeeze. It was hard to tell if the teen's wrist was simply sprained or fractured from all the swelling. At this point, the doctor was sure he needed to do some x-rays.

Killua winced at the touch, this time speaking a truth. Lies only worked best, when there was a bit of the truth within them. The high schooler had learned this long ago, thanks to his boyfriend. After all, it was every fib that he created that kept him safe, most of the times. "Yesterday."

Letting go of the kid's arm gently, in seconds Leorio's arms were up in the air as he yelled, "Ah! Kids these days, thinking they can get hurt and just leave it and it'll magically get better. How stupid can you be?" Sometimes teenager were the ones that pissed him off the most, they always thought they were so indestructible when no human really was. Heck, even Superman could be hurt if one had his weakness.

Sighing, Leorio took a seat and began to write his notes. His brown orbs rolling when he heard the teen's next words, "It doesn't hurt that much, Old Man." God, of all teens he's had at his office, the pale male might have been the worst of them. Alright, scratch that. He'd really had worse, but on that particular day, Killua was the most obnoxious.

"That's Dr. Paladiknight to you!" Leorio roared, stating facts right after, not taking in the way that Killua had flinched when he had raised his voice at the teen. The doctor had been too busy with making marks on his paper. If he had been looking up, he might have caught on that there was something a little more going on with the boy in his office at the moment. "Now stop acting brave, I can see the way you flinch each time I move it."

"Whatever," Clear blue eyes rolled before he looked down at the floor. The scratching of Dr. Paladiknight's pen echoed in the small room. It was oddly comforting, because of all the emotions that Killua was currently feeling, fear was the one that was swallowing him whole at that moment. The feeling coming from each and every small vibrations that came from his phone. He knew who it was, and it only caused his anxiety to rise much like a hot air balloon being filled with hot gas.

Standing tall, and the clipboard under his right arm, Leorio began to make his way to the door. Opening it, he turned to the white-haired teen, motioning with his head to follow him out, "We're going to run some X-rays to see if you've fractured it or not." He explained, giving the teen a grin as they began to walk out and down the hall. "All the swelling is making it difficult to actually know if you broke anything or not."

Nodding, Killua followed the doctor, eyes looking at all the paintings and drawings on the walls. Most of which were clearly done by small children. It was pretty obvious that many people loved Dr. Paladiknight, especially the little ones he attended to. There was even writing under some of the drawn pictures. Killua found it cute, but he didn't state it or lingered too long in the hall. The way his phone kept on buzzing told him that he shouldn't be wasting time. He needed to get this check-up done, the sooner the better.

However, the teen knew he couldn't rush the doctor without getting questioned. Being questioned wasn't an option, which was why he let the doctor do his work once they entered the x-ray room. Luckily, it didn't take too long to get his wrist scanned. Still, Killua did find it a bit funny how nervous he had been when the scans were taken. Never in his sixteen years of life had he needed to get x-rays before. Sure, he's been hurt a lot, but not to the level his body was currently bruised up.

The more he thought about it, the more Killua came to realize that yes, his relationship was falling apart with no way of getting it fixed. The teen simply was looking for a sign to finally bring this all to a stop once and for all. However, nothing was popping up no matter how much he searched and looked for them.

Nothing at all.

The truth to the situation was, that many had. Killua just failed to see them as they were, reasons to finally escape.

Letting the teen know he could move again, Leorio watched Killua stand. Noticing quickly that the teen seemed awkward, but at the same time on the edge. Opening his lips to question, he shut them again. He couldn't explain why, but something said that small talk wasn't appropriate at that moment. Maybe, if they saw each other again, he could ask. For now, Leorio continued with his job, "All done. It's going to take my computer a bit to get the images. Do you mind waiting in the waiting room until then?"

"It's fine," Killua answered, hands going into his pockets as his phone gave another vibrating buzz. He ignored it as he walked out of the room. Once again he was following Dr. Paladiknight who lead him to the waiting room, before letting him know that he'll be right out and give him a call when everything was done.

Sitting down where he had the first time, Killua finally took his phone. He looked at it for a long time, hands shaking as he held it. With another buzz, the teen finally flipped it open and held it to his ear, the angry, displease tone of his lover being heard, "Where are you?"

"At work." The lie left a little too quickly. Killua couldn't help it. There was no possible way he was about to admit to his boyfriend that he had gone to see a doctor. If he did, things would only end up worse once he got home. The last thing Killua wanted that day was another fight. They had one too many that week already, he was getting exhausted to the point he knew he'd allow the man he lived with to do and scream as he pleased.

Killua really wanted to talk to Gon. It had been so long since he heard the other's voice. Not that Killua was really counting down the days. He was, he always was. Three weeks it had been. Three fucking weeks since he had been outside working on his school project, talking about the cake Gon had burnt but managed to save and turn into cake pops.

Three weeks was a long time, and Killua was starting to long for the other.

Flinching, Killua was dragged from the thoughts of another man by the dark tone of his partner. The very sound sending a shiver deep into his core. Even so, that feeling didn't show in Killua's eyes as he looked up and noticed that the woman at the front counter was looking at him with a worried glance. Breathing in, Killua went back to looking at his sneakers and paying attention to what his boyfriend was saying. "Don't lie to me, Killua. I'm at your work and you're not here. Tell me where you are now!"

Clear blue eyes shut, Killua's heart rate picked up. He wanted to scream. Let everything out about how he was at the small clinic getting checked because his wrist had been hurting him to the point he wanted to cut it off. Killua, however, kept calm, even more lies seeping from his lips. After all, it was the only thing he could do to keep himself safe. Speaking the truth wasn't always what was best. In this situation, it would only lead to his partner snapping and possibly hurt him even more than he had a few hours ago. "I'm on my way home,"

"Where the fuck are you!" Killua pulled his phone back from his ear as screeching filled it. Of course, it was no use; the volume that his boyfriend was speaking at was so loud that even with the phone pulled away, Killua could easily take in each and every word that was being said to him. It made him feel like he was facing his partner and not in the small waiting room of the empty clinic. "You better not be slutting around like always!"

"I said I am on my way, I will be home shortly!" Killua snapped, tone picking up as a heat of anger rushed into the skin of his cheeks painting them in a deep red. Snapping his phone shut, tears began to gather at the rim, hands going back to shaking. Fear soon began to eat him away, swallowing him whole. Keep calm. He had to do just that. He would be fine. There was no way his lover knew where he was at that moment. He wouldn't be found or caught in such a place.

Dear God, Killua honestly really didn't believe that. Yet, he as he covered his face with his hands, trying to make himself invisible, he pleaded again and again that he wouldn't have to see the man until he made it home.

"Evan! Results are finally up!" Looking up, Killua's sight locked with Leorio's who was poking out from the door that led to the backrooms. The doctor gave him a worried glance but didn't ask anything as Killua sat up from his chair. For that, Killua was grateful, he didn't think that he could actually answer anything if he had been asked. He wasn't really ready for that yet. He didn't know when he would be.

Walking along side with Dr. Paladiknight, Killua tried to walk with a small bounce in his steps. It was fake, but with a hint of realness. If he played pretend that he was happy and okay, after a while things would become that. Entering the small room, Killua took a seat and swung his legs. He watched the doctor clicked on his computer, moments later two images loading up. Looking at the x-rays of his wrist, Killua glanced over to Dr. Paladiknight and spoke, "What's the verdict doc?"

"It's not broken, but I suggest you be careful. I'm sure that next time you won't be so lucky." Leorio answered as he began to show the young man's the x-ray and going to detail where the fracture could form if he had another fall from his skateboard. He also went into details of what the teen could use to ease the pain and swelling since Killua didn't want something prescribed to him. Once done, and getting a nod of understanding from the white-haired male, Leorio reached into the jar on his desk and pulled something out before handing it over. "Here's a lollipop and a sticker."

"What am I? A kid?" Killua barked out as he grabbed the green lollipop from Dr. Paladiknight's hand. With a pout, Killua pulled off the wrapper and stuck the sweet into his mouth before jumping out of his seat. Making his way to the door, he paused. There was an inner debate between thanking the doctor for his help or simply leaving the room and heading home as quickly as he could. Letting his lips open, words were about to slip. Yet, they never came.

"Everyone likes lollipops and stickers!" Leorio yelled, eyes rolling while his hand reached for the door where Killua was standing. Opening the door, he walked out, taking note that the other was right behind him, a tiny catlike grin on his face.

"Sure…" Killua shook his head. Making his way from the backrooms and into the main area of the clinic, Killua headed to the door after grabbing his skateboard from the waiting room. His heart was picking up pace once again. A tiny voice telling him that the second he left the building he was going to be in for a lot of trouble. Killua knew this. There was no way that he didn't as the doors opened up and he steps out.

Hearing the doctor call out to him, Killua took in his words that he yelled. The man warning him to be careful and not get himself hurt again, and that if he did he could always come back to be treated. Oh, if only Killua actually had control of that. Dropping his board onto the ground, Killua gave a wave to Dr. Paladiknight with his good hands.

"Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Gramps!" He answered, before looking dead on to the road before him. With a kick of his foot, he took off, the wheels of his skateboard rolling across the cement. Somewhere in the back of Killua's mind was a thought that he paid no mind to. The idea being; how would it be like if he was making his way over to Gon and not his partner…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for taking so bloody long! I feel like shit, I really do. However, I moved once again, and now I'm about to move AGAIN. All this moving around is putting a large weight on my mental state. Anyway, I hope this chapter was worth the wait (I doubt it, it's shit). I don't know when I'll get the next one out. I can say that I don't plan to abandon this story since we only have three chapters left! Yay! Thank you to everyone who has read, commented, favorited and alerted this story! You're all a blessing. Much love!


	4. Draining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A super big thanks to my love [starryeyed-wonder](http://starryeyed-wonder.tumblr.com)! This chapter wouldn't have happened without them. Go check out their HxH story [“The Life Of Death”](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14893847/chapters/34493897).

How long had it been since he had gone on a run? That was a question that Gon didn't have the answer to, even as he slipped on his running shoes. It had to have been at least a month, if not more. Work kept him occupied and on his toes most of the times. Especially, when he was working produce or stocking the floor. Gathering carts was also part of the job he had. It, however, didn't provide him with a good and much-needed workout. All the junk food that he bought and ate was starting to show in his tummy.

Maybe that was partially a lie, no real changes were showing on Gon's body. Yet, the lie that Gon considered true was enough to make him realize that he hadn't taken the time to properly workout his body like he use to when he was living with his aunt. He knew that if he kept this up, that in due time, he would end up a fat blob. Maybe not. He wasn't sure, which might have been the reason he chose to use his day off to go for a five-mile run instead of making and eating cakes. Not that he needed the cake, but the idea of getting better at baking so he could make Killua a nice chocolate cake seemed like fun.

With thoughts of Killua lingering, Gon's mind began to wonder what the boy was up to. How long had it been since they had a talk with one another? It must have been at least three weeks, or even a month. Gon had been really busy with work, taking on more shifts than he regularly did, simply because he lacked in money. Another reason was that he didn't like being home, and his depression enjoyed eating away at him when he isolated himself for too long. Many of his negative thoughts chewed at him; some swallowing him whole to the point where he wondered if maybe everything he was doing was pointless.

A part of him was starting to think that he wasn't doing enough to save up for the college that he wanted to go to. He did understand that paying for rent and a car were draining any and all of his chances at saving, and of course, food and other necessities that he needed to live. Even so, wasn't the point of working to save up and one day go back to school? Then why was he failing so miserably? Was going back to school even worth it? Or was it pointless to seek out a higher education and possibly get himself a better job later on? He had no idea. Gon did love his current job. He enjoyed moving around, helping customers out and everything else that came with his work. Sure, he got some bad and rude customers, but it always made for some entertaining stories to tell his aunt or Killua.

Even so, Gon was starting to question if an education was even worth it, as the negative thinking took over once again. Were all his hours of studying and looking for a good college in the field that he wanted a degree in really worth the effort? Gon once again found himself not having an answer as he slipped on his jacket. He had to put a stop to all the over thinking before it got to him like it sometimes did. He could do this, he simply needed to clear his mind and work out positive solutions to fix the bad ones.

Slowly pulling the zipper up, he looked at the time that was on the white microwave. It was a little past three in the afternoon, the sun was still bright in the sky with no signs of it going down anytime soon. Taking a deep breath to delete all the negative emotions that were picking away at him, Gon grabbed his keys and headed out the door. He didn't think twice about locking it as he made his way to the stairs. A run would do him good, and maybe an ice cream bar or two after.

  


* * *

 

Music thundered in his ears, a song he had discovered and had fallen in love with, so much so that it was all that he had been listening to for the past few days. The seventeen-year-old teen didn't care if the sound was so loud it could make his ears bleed. It made Killua feel alive, but at the same time feel like he was being understood. It was odd, the lyrics didn't seem to fit all that much. At least, he didn't believe that they did. Still, the more he listened to "Silence" by Marshmello the more he felt at peace, in an odd way.

Mouthing the words, Killua made his way home from school. His backpack light for once and not overflowing with late homework he was still required to turn in. The bruising on his legs, arms and face had actually faded away from his skin, for the most part. This was mostly due to the fact that his boyfriend had been away for about two weeks on a business trip. Lucky enough for Killua, he wouldn't have to see him for another week or so.

It was little things like this that made Killua happy that his boyfriend had such a great job. At the same time, Killua understood that the time away from one another always led to a bad aftermath. Mainly because his lover always ended up with pent-up anger and accusing Killua of doing things he shouldn't be while he was gone. Killua, of course, never did much of anything besides school, work and spend time with his two friends. And yet, nothing that Killua ever said was believed by his lover.

So Killua took this time to enjoy his freedom and pain-free environment the best that he could. He knew far too well that he would be missing school and maybe work once his boyfriend had returned. Sometimes, Killua asked himself why he didn't run away from it all when the man was gone. He was seventeen now, he could do it. And yet, he never did. Killua wished he knew why, even though a part of him did.

The truth was, Killua couldn't say or admit why. He didn't want to acknowledge that he was scared of leaving, being found and forced to go back. It was not wanting to admit this that led to excuses; such as how much he loved the man, and that everything was fine and dandy. A little pain was worth being in love, right?

Not that Killua actually knew what love was. But then again, who actually grasps what love is? It's simply a feeling everyone wishes to feel, and with luck, one day will. However, actually establishing what love is into words, was something no one could honestly do. After all, everyone felt love in a different form and what love was to one person, might not be the same for another. Love was a tricky business, and a feeling Killua knew he didn't feel for his partner. If he ever would, he didn't know. As the idea of love came to him, Killua's mind went to Gon, the man who lived upstairs.

Love…

There was no face to Gon's voice. Only a word and a feeling that Killua didn't understand. He couldn't be in love, he didn't know Gon enough to be in love. And still, his heart yearned to speak to him again. To sit outside and look at the stars while they talked about anything and everything.

Love.

Killua didn't know the feeling, but if he gave it a bit more time and had a few more conversations, he knew he could fall for Gon within seconds. Gon was the peace within all the violence that swallowed Killua whole. It was that fact, that kept Killua away. It was the very reason Killua hadn't spoken to Gon in so long, because falling in love wasn't an option. Not one that wouldn't come with more consequences than he could handle…

Even so, Killua knew that his heart wanted to give Gon everything he had. But the fear wouldn't allow him, and so Killua continuously lied to himself that it was for the best.

  


* * *

 

Headphones in and ready to blast some Silversun Pickups, Gon made his way out of the apartment's gate. He was pumped and eager to go for his run. No more negative thoughts, just ice cream on the mind, and Killua. Scratch that last part, he wasn't thinking at all about the boy who lived under his apartment. Nope, just ice cream and thoughts about what kind of face went with Killua's voice.

Maybe Gon should bring the bad thoughts back, it would be better than longing for a person that was already in a relationship and that he didn't know very well. This wasn't to say that Gon was in love with Killua. Oh no, he just liked the boy. He was a good friend and Gon really wanted to get to know him better and meet him face to face. Plus, right now his heart was crushing on the white-haired skater that popped into his work from time to time. Oh, if only he could get one date with the boy. Gon could only dream, well, more like try to convince himself that he didn't have feelings for Killua, as he began to stretch out and warm up his body before he began his run. He was pretty rusty after all.

Slowly stretching out his right leg, Gon felt his heart stop. Amber eyes went wide, along with his lips that formed into a smile. He couldn't believe it, but right before his eyes, was the skater that he was just trying to force himself to think about. His blue eyes looking off into space, while his lips moved in a voiceless song. Standing up, Gon didn't know what to do with himself. His mind screamed to ditch his run and stop the male. He could ask him out on a date, and maybe, if he was lucky, they could go out for ice cream together?

Gon tried to calm himself down but failed as he waved at the teen and jumped a little to get his attention. The boy didn't stop at all, he simply kept going until he reached the front gate to the apartment building that Gon lived at. Eyes getting wider than before, Gon couldn't believe it. The skater lived where he did? Holy shit, maybe a date was possible!

Mustering up a small amount of courage, Gon went after the boy and gently patted his shoulder as the teen was putting in his code to open the gate. With a jump of fright, the teen turned his head around and popped his headphones out. Yet, not a word left him as his blue eyes peered right into Gon's amber ones.

Gon watched them as they grew in size. Obviously, the male had recognized him from the supermarket that he worked at. Grinning like a fool, he waved again and decided there was no going back, "Hey, would you like to go get some ice cream with me?"

"No." was the only answer Gon received as the teen opened the door and went in, making sure to shut the gate door so that Gon couldn't follow him in. Feeling his heart break, but only a little, Gon groaned. Why was it that he always fell for people who were taken and clearly not interested?

Maybe he should give up on the teen. He might have had a crush on him, but even if Gon tried to deny it, he was starting to gain something more for Killua. That something was falling in love with him. There was no real explanation as to why or how. Gon just felt like he and Killua had clicked, and connected. Gon wasn't sure if he could stop his heart from falling hard for a boy he's never even meet in person.

Did he even want to?

Gon turned around and took off in a run, he couldn't allow this to proceed. Not until he knew Killua better. Even then, Killua was already dating another man. Gon had no chance at all, and he couldn't risk his feelings putting Killua in a dangerous situation. Gon knew all he could get from Killua was a friendship. So he ran, he ran as fast as he could and hoped that in time he too could run away from what his heart was beginning to feel.

  


* * *

 

"Hey, guys!" Killua looked up from his flip phone, his eyes meeting with Canary's happy looking face. She was standing by the counter waiting for her order as they walked into the coffee shop. It was the usual one they all preferred to stop at before school, when they had the money to. Today happened to be a day where they all had a little extra. Which was always nice, it made mornings a little more fun when they all had something to look forward too before class.

"Good morning, Canary," Komugi gave a small wave as she made her way to the line so that she could order her drink. She really liked a warm cup of green tea and needed it more than usual. She had stayed up a little too long last night trying to study for her math test. She could only hope that she was ready for it.

"I already ordered," Canary stated the obvious as Killua joined Komugi in line. His blue eyes glancing at the menu, he wanted something full of chocolate this time. Something that would rot his teeth with sweetness. He didn't care if it was bad for him, he wanted a slice of happiness in his life. Especially now that his boyfriend was back home and everything felt like it had gone to hell.

"It's fine." Komugi smiled, the line slowly inching forward. It was their fault that they were late and didn't make it there at the time they were supposed to. They had all agreed that it was fine not to wait for each other once the meetup time had passed. This was mainly because Killua had a habit of being late and he didn't like the feeling of guilt he felt when his friends waited for him and were late as well. The girls understood and simply agreed to it, they didn't like to add more stress to Killua's life.

With Canary's name being called loudly, the teen made her way to get her drink. It was nothing fancy, just an iced coffee with some vanilla cream in it. Once she had her drink, she walked over to Komugi and Killua. "See you guys at the supermarket?"

"Sure thing," Killua answered, he had already taken note that Canary didn't have her lunch bag with her. This meant that she would have to buy something for school, and she didn't want to drag them around the store as she tried to figure out what she wanted for lunch. More like, what she could afford.

Many didn't know, but Canary didn't have much money. She might have gone to one of the best private schools in Yorknew, but that was simply because her mom wanted her to get the best education possible. She wanted her daughter to move forward and not end up the way she did. Poor and with a job that didn't pay enough.

Canary didn't take it for granted at all though, it was why she was top of each and every class. It was also the reason she was able to afford her private education in the first place. She worked for it, and if anyone asked her why she did it, all she would tell them was that she did it because she wanted it, she wanted all of it, and everything she could have because of it, so that she could give her mother the best. After all, it was her mother who gave her everything, even when Canary didn't think it was possible for her mother to give her more.

Killua felt so much respect for the girl. However, he also felt guilty for making her and Komugi deal with all his bullshit. One day he'd make up for it. He would be a better friend and help them out the way they tried to help him. But at that moment, he still didn't have the answers that he had been searching for.

"Okay! See you soon!" Canary shouted as she made her way out of the coffee shop at a light jog. There were other reasons she wanted out of there. However, she didn't want to show it or to start something in the small shop. She would have to bring it up later, that was if she could actually bring herself to say it.

Waiting in line, Komugi bit her lip, eyes trying not to stare at Killua's face. Still, she couldn't hold back the question that was eating away at her. It hurt her endlessly to see the bruising on the boy's face, she just had to ask what was going on. Even if she already knew, she still found herself calling out his name with hesitation, "Killua..."

"Yeah?" The teen looked down, his blue eyes meeting with Komugi's green ones. He had an idea of what she was going to say, but he waited for it anyway. Not knowing what he would do or say once she had spoken.

"Did… he hurt you again?" Komugi whispered slowly, but clearly enough for Killua to take in what she had asked him. The boy didn't bother to answer at all. Instead, he turned his head away from her and looked towards the menu staring at it as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

Komugi knew what was going on, Killua was ignoring her like he always did. He didn't like to talk about his issues and so he acted like it hadn't happened in the first place. Both her and Canary knew that they upset Killua each time that they brought this topic, neither of them could keep the worry hidden for long. They tried and would spend weeks without bringing it up, but there was always a breaking point where one of them would bring it to his attention and try to help Killua out. Komugi being the one who did so more often than not. Yet, none of it seemed to matter; Killua never listened…

Still, Komugi didn't think twice as she let the words she wanted to say seep out. Someone had to say something; this had gone on too long. She didn't think she could keep herself hushed anymore. Not when she could see that Killua was getting hurt more than he had been when this all first began. "Killua, you need to leave him. It looks really bad today. This isn't right and you know it. Canary and I are here for you, we'll find a way to get you out. But we can't if you don't let us…"

Feeling her heart break for one of her best friends, Komugi tried to keep the tears welling up in her eyes from falling as Killua walked away from her and ordered his drink. Right after, leaving her there to order her's. She was once again being ignored, and she no longer knew what she could do. They were still only kids. Kids holding in a secret that she knew she needed to spill to someone who was an adult and could help them. And yet, she was scared to ruin her friendship with Killua. She hated herself for not knowing what the right thing to do was.

_'Why are you doing this to yourself, Killua?'_

 

* * *

That days' shift had been longer than any he'd done before. Gon sometimes asked himself why he believed it would be a smart idea to work a double. He knew it would leave him more tired than normal, and yet he had said yes to it anyway. It wasn't like he didn't know why he had agreed to such a thing, he did, but sometimes he was sure that he was being stupid, even if he did need the money.

Sighing, the nineteen-year-old decided that he should spoil himself by getting himself a coffee. It would keep him awake enough to drive himself home safely, since he felt so tired and ready to fall asleep right then and there. Of course, Gon hadn't expected a fright to be the thing to actually wake him up. The scare coming from running right into someone, the poor kid's drink getting all over the cement floor and Gon's clothes.

"Ah, shit!"

"Ah! I'm so sorry! I wasn't watching where I was going!" Gon said in a panicked tone while he tried to wipe off the whipped cream that had gotten all over his work shirt. He was so busy thinking about what he wanted to order that he didn't take notice that someone was walking out as he was trying to get in. Not taking a look at the teen's face while he was trying to pull out a napkin from his pocket to clean off his hands, Gon blabbered away, "I'll get you a new drink, it's the least I can do."

Looking up, Gon searched for the boy that had been before him but found nothing. There was only a mess and people trying to make their way out as he blocked the way. Letting a girl walk out, he took in her school uniform and hoped it had been the same that the boy was wearing. Not thinking twice, he went after her and called her out as he pulled out his wallet and some money. He only hoped the two knew each other and actually went to the same school, "Excuse me, can you please give this to your friend?"

"Huh…" The girl gave the man an odd look as she looked at the ten being held in front of her. She tried not to think of bad things, but it was kinda creepy to have a man just give out money to a minor. Not that the guy looked old, he looked like he could be in his early twenties, but it was still a bit odd. Making a face, the girl took a few steps back, not sure what to do as she held onto her drink.

Seeing the girl look scared, Gon began to freak out. Fuck, he knew he was being weird but he didn't know what to do, and he did felt bad about spilling the kid's drink. Taking the girl's hand, he shoved the money in her palm as he explained loudly, "I made him drop his chocolate drink, and he left before I could get him a new one."

Green eyes going wide, the girl laughed. It didn't take her long to know what had happened and who the guy was talking about. Placing the money into her pocket, she gave a nod and answered before walking away so she could catch up with her friend. "Sure!"

"Thanks!" Gon grinned while the high schooler took off. He took a look at her appearance, his mind taking in her white hair. Soon, he found himself wondering if she was related to the white-haired skater. Maybe they were siblings? Gon felt a yawn come to his lips, maybe he should stop thinking and get himself some coffee. He really needed a nap, maybe some sleep would be a better idea.

 

* * *

Komugi hovered over Killua who was kneeling down and taking a look at the foundations at the bottom, while she looked at the ones on top. "They don't have the one you normally get." She said as her green eyes took in each bottle, at times lifting her hand to fix her glasses. Her prescription so strong, everyone wondered how she wasn't blind.

Sadly, most had no idea that she had already received the bad news that she would be by the age of thirty, if she was lucky. This was why she always made sure to help look for things, play games and even watch all the movies she could while she still had her sight. She was really happy to have friends like Canary and Killua who were more than willing to help her see as much of the world as they could. They were still kids and had a lot of obstacles in the way, but Komugi was happy nonetheless.

Now if only she could find a way to help Killua. To make sure that he ended up somewhere safe and far away from his current partner before her sight was gone and she was more useless than she currently was. A sigh left her as she picked up a bottle and closely inspected it. Seeing how well it matched her skin tone since hers was very similar to Killua's pale skin. At times most people thought they were related. They were not, and it was funny to see people's faces when they explained they had no relation to each other.

With five different bottles in hand, Killua gave a nod as he took in Komugi's words. "Yeah," Was his only reply as he took a sample bottle and opened it, swatching a bit into his hand. He knew he should test it on his face, but he didn't have time for that. They really needed to hurry and get something so they could get to school and cover his face up as soon as possible.

Killua didn't feel like getting questioned by his teachers. It was already hard enough to explain all the bruises on his arms and legs when he had to do PE. He was really glad that his teacher was a little on the dumb side and believed him each time that he said that he fell from his skateboard. However, it was only a matter of time before that excuse would no longer have any meaning.

Maybe Killua needed to look into different ways to hide the abuse from the people around him. While makeup worked on his face, he didn't think that it could hide all the marks on his arms and legs. Their school uniform did come in handy with that, but not the one they used for their physical education course.

Perhaps he could look in the student handbook and see if it was possible to wear black pants instead of the shorts that the school required them to purchase. He could also begin wearing a school sweater, even if the summer heat was slowly trying to kill everyone in the city. The teen didn't know, but right at this moment, hiding his face came before anything else.

"You can just get a different one. We'll just need to find your shade." Komugi mentioned, hoping that it would give Killua a little hope. She knew the stress that came with picking out makeup. This wasn't the first time they had done this. It was, however, the first time they had to do it before school. Which only meant that they didn't have all the time in the world, much like they did when they went shopping after school.

Taking another bottle and swatching it on her hand, Komugi smiled, soon kneeling down and getting Killua's attention. The teen looked at her as the girl spoke and gently began to put a small amount on the boy's face. She didn't need to ask for permission, they were both used to this after doing it too often. "This one kinda looks like it might work. Let's see."

The two teens didn't get much time to actually make sure it looked well on Killua's face, for Canary found them right at that moment. She had a small sandwich in her hand, some chips and the only type of soda that she would drink, which was a peach flavor that Killua and Komugi thought wasn't sweet enough. "Hey! I got lunch. What are you doing?"

"Makeup for Killua." Komugi was the first to answer. Her eyes looked right into Canary's grey ones and pleaded. The very look asking and begging the dark-skinned teen to say something, to talk some sense into Killua. After all, he had just ignored her when she had tried to talk to him at the coffee shop. Maybe, just maybe Canary would have better luck. It was a long shot, but Komugi had no idea who else could make Killua listen and understand how worried they were about him. 'Canary…'

There wasn't any need for Komugi to give Canary that look, the girl didn't care what left her lips as she let her anger get the best of her. If there was one thing, she hated, it was Killua's relationship and the way the man left Killua's face and body. She always did her best to ignore it and hold back her tongue. But she couldn't this time. She had tried, and that was why she left them at the coffee shop, so she wouldn't start a scene. However, she just couldn't hold it all in any longer, not when it was clear that Killua's face was worse than it ever had been. "How many bottles of concealer have you gone through this week, Killua?"

Clear blue eyes went wide as he took in the words that had been thrown at him. Looking right at Canary, his brows furrowed as Killua tired to stop how fast his heart was beating. He didn't know why, but Canary's tone had scared him. It felt evil and gave him a vibe of fright. It was much like the one his partner gave him when he had done something wrong. Killua knew that his friend didn't mean to come off so harshly, and was only worried about him. Even so, he couldn't control the emotion that was taking over his form.

Swiftly getting up, Killua grabbed an unopened bottle of foundation that Komugi had tested on his face and took off. He walked right passed Canary, not bothering to give her another glance. He didn't know what he was doing, but he didn't think he could be around them until he got himself under control and stop his mind from screaming that he was going to get hurt. Canary would never do such a thing, and yet here Killua was scared that she would. It was at that moment, Killua found himself stopping and looking off into space. Only one thought on his mind, 'How did I get like this?'

Watching Killua leave, Komugi bolted to her feet in a flash. She hadn't expected for Canary to say what she had. It had come off mean and harsh, even if she asked the million dollar question. It hadn't been time for it, and now the girl didn't know if this was the start of a break in their friendship with Killua or a start in getting him to see what was going on and seek some much-needed help. All she did know was that Canary needed to fix things before it all went downhill, "Canary, please talk to him. You know what you said wasn't right."

Letting out a sigh, Canary placed a hand on her face. She knew she had fucked up. She knew it. Still, her anger was clouding her sense of judgment, and she didn't see the need to apologize to Killua when she had only spoken the truth. Yet, she knew that if she didn't get her emotions in place, a rift between her and her best friend could occur. One she had no idea if she would be able to fix if she allowed it to get larger. Gaze drifting over to Komugi, Canary bit her lip as she gave a nod. "I'll try…"

"Thank you."

  


* * *

 

"Nine dollars and fifty-seven cents," The skinny man at the counter said in a bored tone. One could easily tell that he was ready to quit his job.

"Here you go," Komugi chimed in with a grin as she looked at the man and gave him the ten dollar bill that the guy from the coffee shop had placed in her hand. She had meant to give it to Killua earlier. However, she had forgotten all about it once they got to the store and began their search for something that would work well with Killua's face and hide the marking on it. That was the top priority for them after all.

Killua gave his friend a look, wondering where she even got the money. He knew that Komugi's family was very rich, but she only got ten dollars a day to spend. The white-haired teen knew for a fact she had already used it to get her tea, so there was no way the ten was from her family. At least, to him, it didn't make sense that it could be.

Seeing the look Killua gave her, the short girl gave a sheepish smile while she fixed her glasses, "The guy who made you drop your drink gave it to me, for you."

Killua didn't question her, he simply took what he bought as she was given the change. The three soon making their way to campus.

  


* * *

 

They didn't talk about it once they got to school, it was like neither of them knew how to mention what had happened at the store. For the moment, it didn't matter, the two teens had decided on their own that their friendship meant more than any argument that could happen. They were both just lucky that they had come to the same agreement on their own and not something different. It might have been that fact that made them such good friends. Yet, it could also have been the reason Canary couldn't help Killua because both sides always ended things as if they hadn't happened in the first place.

"This shade matches better than the one you got a few days ago," Canary said as she applied the makeup onto Killua's face. The teen was more than capable of doing this on his own. He just didn't have a mirror and wasn't in the mood of standing in the boy's restroom trying to apply makeup as guys walked in and out. He also didn't want to get questioned by anyone.

"Killua, how recent is this?" Komugi was the first one to speak up, unlike the other two, she didn't want this to end up like always. She needed an action to take place. Killua may not listen to her, but this was all getting to be too much. Canary had said she would talk to Killua, and here they were as if the world was fine and she wasn't applying makeup on Killua's bruised up face. At times, Komugi was sure that no one in their group of friends knew what they were doing with themselves. They were always thinking one thing, but never actually following through with it. No matter how important it was to do such a thing.

Knowing that Komugi wasn't going to back down without an answer, Killua sighed. She had always been the one who was the most adult of the group, even if no one actually listened to her advice. It was like she never gave up. Killua loved her for it, but he also hated it. It was hard to just let things be as if they never happened because she wouldn't allow it to end in that form. Maybe it was a good thing, Killua didn't think so. Yet, the teen knew it was, he simply didn't like to admit that he was wrong.

"Last night." He responded, eyes looking away from Canary and to the window. There was nothing, at all, that was interesting about the trees outside, but it gave him something to focus on. This was too much stress for the start of the day. If he kept on thinking about it, there was no way he was going to be able to pay attention in class.

While he knew that Komugi and Canary were only bringing it up because they wanted what was best for him. Killua couldn't deal with it right now. Things were getting much worse at home, and he was sure he was starting to lose his mind. He simply didn't know if it was fine to tell them or to keep it all in like everything else. He couldn't even find it in him to admit why he hadn't come to school the past few days. He was just happy that neither brought it up and had actually believed him when he said he had been sick.

Komugi exhaled, her large brows furrowing, "You need to leave him." She had nothing better to say. It was all that came to mind. Nothing else felt right. There was only one solution to this mess, and it was for Killua to just leave the man and call an end to the relationship. It was so simple.

It was so simple, and yet the most difficult thing to do.

"And where am I going to go?!" Killua shouted without a second thought, the stress of the conversation finally getting to him, no matter how much he tried not to let it overwhelm him. There weren't any answers to his question. There never were. It had been a question he had asked many times and Canary and Komugi had never known the answer to it.

It wasn't like any of them could simply take Killua in. Komugi may have been rich, but her home was overcrowded with all the siblings she had. Canary, on the other hand, didn't have much of anything. It was only her and her mother, and they lived paycheck to paycheck in a small studio apartment. They didn't have the money, or the space, to take in Killua.

"I'm sorry…"

The classroom got silent, neither of the teens knowing what to say to one another. The air was awkward and there was nothing to make the tension to disappear. It only grew thicker as students began to flood the room one by one, at times coming in small groups of friends. Gazing out the window once again, blue eyes watched the trees. He knew he had to make a change, but the fear of even trying kept him from making any moves. At times, he wished someone would snatch him away. Even if that someone was death…

  


* * *

 

It was all starting to get out of control again, and Killua's anxiety was over the roof. He didn't know which way to move or where to go. Did he need to head towards the front door or the balcony? Maybe he should hide in the bathroom? He had to find an escape, running around the small apartment wasn't getting him anywhere close to being safe.

The teen understood that running out the front door was his best option. He wasn't stupid, and yet Killua couldn't move his feet in that direction, even with how much his mind screamed at him to do so. He had never done it before, so his body seemed to move by habit towards the back of the apartment like it had many times before. It was a bad habit, one that the seventeen-year-old didn't think he would be able to break anytime soon.

Dodging an object that was thrown his way, Killua nearly lost his balance. He didn't know how it all got out of hand. One moment, he was at home trying to get some homework done, since he had the day off from work, and the next, his boyfriend was out of the shower and yanking at his hair demanding where he had been a few nights ago.

Killua didn't have a clue what he was talking about, he hadn't gone anywhere, unless this was about the time he had gone to Leorio's clinic. That, however, had been more than a month ago. So why was the other bringing it up now? Hadn't he already taken out his pent-up anger on Killua the night he got back home from his travels? The man left him so hurt that Killua had to call out from work and school because he couldn't find it in him to move from the floor he had slept on.

"Leave me alone!"

"Why are you always like this?!" Killua's partner took a hold of the boy's hair. It had always been the easiest thing to latch on to and keep a good hold of. Even so, all that went on in his mind was how he wanted a good grip on the teen's neck. It wasn't that he truly wanted to hurt Killua, he loved the kid, he just needed to set him in place. If he didn't, he didn't know what other bullshit Killua would do.

He knew the kid was seeing other people, and that he had to have someone on the side. It wasn't right at all. He gave everything to Killua. If it wasn't for him, Killua would still be stuck at home with his horrible mother. Killua wouldn't even know what it would be like to have freedom, go to the best school possible, have friends, or even what it was like to have a job. If it wasn't for him, Killua would be stuck at home, being nothing but a puppet for his mother to dress up and give orders to and nothing more. He had given Killua everything, and yet the stubborn asshole took it all for granted. "I just asked a simple question!"

"Asshole, let go of me!" Killua screamed, tears building up on the rim of his eyes. He could say it countless times, that he didn't feel any pain and that he was used to it. But the truth was, that wasn't true at all. It always hurt and brought him so easily to tears. He didn't like to cry, and he did his best, time after time, to hold it all in. Sometimes, he couldn't. He wasn't mentally ready for this today. He simply couldn't do all of this anymore. Killua was ready to break apart at the seams.

"Not until you tell me where you were a few nights ago!" Killua's lover screamed, pulling the teen's face closer to his own. He had to know what Killua was hiding. He didn't care if it was just a hunch, he knew there was something. He was going to get to the bottom of it. It didn't matter what it took to pull it out of Killua.

He wasn't going to allow the hurt look or tears falling from Killua's eyes stop him. Killua was just doing that to make him feel bad for what he was doing. He wasn't going to fall for it, not this time. Killua had been going out too much to not be doing something wrong. If Killua could yell at him and question him for being out late, then why couldn't he do the same?

Not knowing how else to break free, Killua didn't think twice as he kicked his partner as hard as he could. He didn't enjoy hurting the other. Not one bit at all, but he had no choice at times. It was either hurt the man or let the pain continue. He didn't want to feel any more pain, and it seemed like the kick was enough to make the man's grip weaker.

Taking his pale hand, Killua grabbed his lover's hand and yanked it away, not caring how much of his hair went with it. Once he was free, he took a few steps back, knowing his boyfriend was more focused on the pain that was crawling up his leg, from the powerful kick he received, than he was about losing his grip on Killua. "I have no idea what you're even going on about. I haven't gone anywhere, and you know it!"

"You're seeing someone aren't you!" The man screamed as Killua got as far away from him as possible. Anger taking over much more than it had been, the man grabbed the hardcover book that Killua had been studying and threw it right at the boy. He watched it strike Killua's shoulder, the very fact that it did hit him, making him feel a bit better about what Killua had done to him. It was a little more even now, he thought as he shouted some more, "Who it is! Who are you fucking?!"

"I'M NOT!" Killua screamed right back, before taking off in a run towards the balcony. Quickly sliding the door open with all the force he could muster, Killua ran to the edge. He couldn't do it anymore. He simply couldn't handle all this. He was done, and he no longer cared, he was going to end this all now. It was the best thing he could do, to bring all the pain to a stop.

At least, that was the conclusion his mind came to, as he swung his leg over the rail and sat right down. His body was leaning away from the apartment and towards the sidewalk that was four stories below. Not bothering to look at the man that he could only now admit he didn't love, he cried out, "I'm done! I can't do this anymore!"

Stopping in his tracks, Killua's partner watched the teen as he sat on the balcony rail, body mostly off of it, but not in the direction of the balcony floor. No, the boy was pretty much hanging in the open air and ready to let go at any given second.

Breathing in, he yelled, not really knowing what to do. There was no way Killua would honestly take his life. The teen was only doing this to make him feel bad. It was working, which only made him want to strangle the kid later. Right now, he had to stop Killua. He wasn't going to be blamed for something that clearly wasn't his fault. "You can't be serious! You need to stop this now!"

"Watch me fucker!" Killua barked back as his hands let go of the metal bar he was sitting on and his body leaned back. The only thing keeping him steady and from actually falling being his legs. He wasn't messing around, if the man got any closer, he would let go and embrace death with open arms.

"You're being way too dramatic, Killua!" The man yelled but didn't dare move an inch. He didn't know what Killua would do. The way the teen's arms where up made him nervous. One wrong move and Killua wouldn't be safe anymore. He wouldn't be alive, and the man had no idea how he was going to explain that one to the cops. He had to talk the teen out of it somehow. "Stop acting like it's the fucking end of the world and get off the fucking rail!"

"No! I don't want to do this anymore! I'm tired! What's the point?!" Killua shouted, tears falling from his eyes. His hands went into his hair and began to pull at it. He was so frustrated with everything, even himself.

"What's the point?" Killua's partner screamed as if it had been the dumbest question that he had ever heard. How could Killua not see that he was doing all of this for Killua's well being? That he cared about Killua and wanted what was best for him? "I love you, that's the point!"

"You love me?" Killua threw his head back and laughed loudly. If beating your partner was love, then shit maybe more people needed to get their brains checked because they are all doing it wrong. "Ha! Bull-fucking-shit! All you ever do is hit me, pull my hair and yell at me. Sometimes I don't even know what I have done for you to come at me with so much anger."

"I'm sorry! I don't know what comes over me. I love you, you know I do. I wouldn't have gotten you out of that house if I didn't love you." The man pleaded, willing to say anything just to get Killua off of the rail. If he meant what he was saying or not, he didn't actually know. Did he love Killua? He believed he did. In the same way, he honestly thought that he was doing what was best for the teen. He might have been wrong, but in his eyes, in his world, he was only doing what he felt was the best for them.

For Killua.

Killua didn't say anything, he just looked at the man. His eyes dead and done with life. There wasn't much more than a hint of life left within them. He really was on brink of giving up and ending it all. It was his expression that caused the man to take a different approach. His tone lowering and his voice became more soothing, no more hints of anger and yelling. "Please come here, Killua. We'll fix this, I promise." The man said as he took a step forward. Slowly raising his hand. He held it out for Killua to take it, praying that the teen would take it and that they could make things work out. "It's not worth killing yourself over."

Killua looked at the man's hand, before looking up, hearing the sliding door he knew all too well open. Killua's mind began to overflow with thoughts. He could end it all. He could just lean forward and allow himself to fall four stories down. It would all end and he would no longer have to deal with life anymore, and all the pain and anguish that came along with it. He could, he could, he could.

And yet…

"Go inside," Killua finally spoke, eyes now looking right into the frightened gaze of his lover. He still didn't know what he was going to do, but he didn't want the other around him anymore. All the thinking was becoming too much, and his partner wasn't helping him at all. Killua wanted to be alone and didn't fail to ask for it. He only wished the man would really listen to him for once, "I need time alone."

"Killua…" The way the name was said was heartbreaking. Yet, that didn't stop Killua or cause him to change his mind. He was going to stick firmly to it, no matter what outcome he decided to go with.

"Go, I won't do anything. I'll go in once I feel ready to talk." Killua knew he was lying. His partner, on the other hand, didn't. Killua was grateful that the man never learned to discern his truths from his lies. If one could really call it a lie. Killua still had a choice to make. So his words were at least partly a lie. He didn't know or care. "We'll fix this."

Killua's partner nodded as he began to slowly back away into the home. He couldn't recall a time he'd seen Killua so set on doing something. The man understood that right at the moment, Killua would throw himself off without a second thought. The idea scared him, he didn't want that guilt on his hands. He didn't understand why Killua was being so dramatic. If it wasn't for the way that Killua acted, he wouldn't have to hurt him. He wouldn't need to do everything he did.

This was all Killua's fault, and yet the kid acted like he was the victim. They would fix it, he'd make sure of it. He just had to talk some sense into the boy, get him to understand that he had to stop acting out. If Killua didn't, they would never fix things, and he would be forced to try to put the teen in his place again.

They would fix this. For now, he was going to have to trust that Killua would come back into the home once he had cleared his mind.

  


* * *

 

Gon had just gotten home from grocery shopping when he heard the fight break out. It was muffled and seemed tame compared to all the ones he had heard before. There hadn't been anything thrown or anything that had hit the floor underneath his feet. Gon, however, was starting to learn that just because things had not been thrown, didn't mean it wasn't a bad fight. It was only the start of one, so he could only hope it stayed as something small before it exploded.

His hopes were not answered at all. As he stood in his kitchen, slowly putting his food where it belonged, it got worse. While the flight had only just begun, it didn't take long for it to escalate, from what Gon could tell anyway. Ten minutes into it and the balcony door from the apartment under his had been opened so harshly and loudly that Gon found himself moving towards his own door and sliding it open just a tad.

He had no idea what to do, but he was ready to call for help at a moments notice. While Gon wasn't sure if Killua would appreciate him doing such a thing, the nineteen-year-old couldn't bring himself to care. Someone had to do something. If this was the only way to make it all stop he would. At least, that's what Gon told himself. Tried to tell himself.

He didn't like to admit it, but he knew he held what Killua would think of him a little too high. And that was why he didn't, why he hadn't called anyone to come and help. He didn't want Killua angry at him. He knew it was being stupid, that he was being an idiot. He hated himself because of all of this, and yet he couldn't help feeling the way that he did.

While taking in all the yelling that was going on, Gon's eyes grew wide as he heard loud and clear what Killua's partner had said. Killua couldn't be… He wouldn't kill himself, right? Gon couldn't find any reasons why the other wouldn't when he really thought about it. He was dealing with something that would drive anyone mad and to the brink of self-destruction. If Gon, struggled with suicidal thought over being alone and depressed, he could only imagine what ate away at Killua's heart and soul.

One could call Gon selfish, but he didn't want Killua to die. They still needed to meet each other in person, and Killua still had to make him orange chocolate. They had so many talks they still needed to have, and experiences to share. Killua couldn't leave him, then he would truly be alone. Gon didn't want to go back to being alone…

Sliding his door open rather loudly, Gon planned to call out to Killua and ask him not to take his life. He'd beat the shit out of that man for him, they could call the cops and make everything better. They could talk it over. Gon would even go as far as to have Killua move in. Gon didn't care as long as he helped the teen and Killua didn't take his life and leave this world forever.

The words never left Gon's mouth. Before he could get them out, he heard Killua say he wouldn't do a thing. Gon knew, he knew with all his heart that Killua's words were a lie. However, it was enough for Gon to think that maybe, just maybe he could do something about it. Hearing the door below him, Gon made his way over to the edge of his own balcony trying to find the right words to say now that Killua was alone and his partner was inside, unable to hear them.

Looking down, Gon's eyes went wide as he took in what he could only guess was part of Killua's form sitting on the rail. He really couldn't make him out well, it was dark out after all, and the apartments had been designed in such a way that it made it difficult for anyone to look into the balcony of the person who was under them or even into the ones to the side. While Gon did appreciate it for privacy reasons, at the moment, he wished he could get a look at Killua, and make sure that he was fine. Even if Gon already knew the answer to his question.

"You're not going to jump right?"

Killua jumped a little as he took in Gon's voice. He wanted to look up and finally get a look at the man's face. That was if Gon was even looking over his own balcony. However, Killua couldn't find it in him to move. He felt like he was starting to shut down completely. Killua couldn't even speak, just think endlessly. Lost in his thoughts, trying to think of what the best thing to do was. Should he just end it all or go back into his home and try to fix his relationship? Could he even fix it? How many times had he tried too, only for it to just be the same? He already knew he didn't love the man, so what was the point?

Killua lost track of time as he allowed himself to be drowned by his thoughts.

Not hearing an answer from Killua, Gon looked up into the night sky, unsure of what he should do, or if he could even do anything. He understood that he needed to talk Killua out of ending his life. But could he? That was a question he didn't have the answer to. Sighing, Gon turned around, slid down the rail and sat on the floor of the balcony. He had no idea of what to say, so he allowed the words to flow. He could only hope that their pointless conversations like the ones before would be enough to help Killua, even if it was only enough to not take his life.

"Did you know I don't like pineapple on pizza? It makes it all soggy and gross." Gon said, his amber eyes looking at the sky. Why he was talking about pizza, he had no clue. Yet, the small and unexpected laugh he got out of Killua was enough to keep him going. "It's dumb because I do enjoy it in a good sandwich. Just something about it being on pizza is off-putting. Why would people even create such a monstrosity?"

"You're a dork." Killua laughed a little. He still wanted to jump and take all the pain he felt away. However, he also wanted to listen to Gon's voice and what he had to say. He enjoyed his conversations with Gon, and it had been so long since they spoke, Killua had missed it. So much so, that he began to cry and couldn't help but admit what he was feeling, "I've missed talking to you…"

Gon's heart skipped a beat, and it was at that moment, that he finally knew what the feeling he had been feeling since they had their first talk was. He was falling in love with Killua. So in love, that he didn't think he wanted the feeling to ever stop. It was coming to that realization, that led Gon to his next words. To open up to Killua with something he never actually brought up to anyone. "I miss it too. You make living, a little more worth it."

"I'm glad," Killua smiled his hands now on the rail and gripping it tightly. The idea of jumping was still there, it was the only reason he hadn't bothered to get down. At the same time he wanted to speak with Gon, forget about everything like he always did when they spoke to one another. Gon could be a good reason to keep living. Might not have been the best one, but for that moment, Killua believed it was good enough.

The two teens sat outside and spoke to one another. Going back and forth about what foods they liked and didn't like. It had taken an hour, but Killua did make his way off the balcony rail and took a seat on the cement that made up the floor. Even if he had managed to get off, the talk he was having with Gon didn't stop. They two continued to sit there, sharing different thoughts and ideas. Their talk going from silly, to deep. Gon admitting that sometimes he got so sad, he too wanted to take his life. It was hearing such a thing that made Killua feel not so alone.

However, Killua was happy that Gon didn't let their talk become depressing. While Killua was willing to listen to Gon's pain, it was clear that the other didn't like to admit that he did, in fact, feel pain. It was as if all he wanted people to see was a happy ray of sunshine. Killua wonders if he too could one day help Gon as much as Gon has helped him. He could only hope that he could as he listened to Gon begin to go on about how he wanted to get an avocado tree and see if he could actually make it grow in a place like Yorknew.

Five hours must have passed, without either of them realizing it. Their conversation never got dull, and it felt like time hadn't moved at all. It only came to an end, when Killua heard a small knock. Looking up, he saw his partner looking at him through the balcony door, as if he asking if he was ready to talk it all out and fix it. He wasn't, all he wanted was to spend time with Gon. Yet, he knew that he couldn't be out there forever. He also couldn't avoid it all no matter how much he wished he could. It was only a matter of time before he had to face his partner and attempt to make things better.

Sighing, Killua slowly stood up, knowing he needed to go. "Thanks for the talk Gon, I feel a bit better now."

"Are you going?" Gon asked, knowing what the result was. He still wanted to hear it from Killua. Make sure that he was, in fact, going back into his home and not falling to the sidewalk down below. Gon knew he could get up and make sure Killua was no longer on the rail, but something told him to trust the teen. Which was what Gon had decided to do.

"I should, my partner is waiting," Killua admitted, his eyes looking at the door and watching as his partner continued to stand there. The worried expression on his face causing Killua to feel a bit guilty. Even if he knew that it was the man and his abuse that had caused him to break and try to take his life in the first place.

"I understand, I hope it goes well." Gon replied before he went silent for a few moments. Not bothering to care if he should say the following, he spoke, making sure his tone was loud and clear. He wanted Killua to know he was there for him, no matter what or how well they knew each other. "If you need me, you know where my door is. We're friends, so you'll always be welcomed in my home even if we have never met in person."

"Thanks, Gon, I'll keep it in mind."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, snap! What do we have here? A new chapter?! Can it really be?!
> 
> Oh boy, wow. How long has it been? More than a year, right? Sorry for the long wait. A lot has happened since I have put out the last chapter. So, a quick update on my life. After I posted the last chapter, I moved to Mexico with my father. In March I moved back in with my mother in California. A little after that, my older brother was murdered and it became a huge mess. I began to date my current partner in April. I later moved in with my best friend's mom, got a job and was able to get my own apartment. I left my job, lost my apartment and I moved back in with my mom. In late December, I moved to Arizona to live with my girlfriend and her family. As of January, I live in Arizona, have a job and I'm slowly putting my life back together.
> 
> I am so much happier now, and if it wasn't for my wonderful partner, I don't think this chapter would be out at all. She wrote a story and wanted me to look it over. Before I knew it, I just wanted to write… and three days later I had this chapter all written out. I don't know how many times I had tried to write and get it going, only to write one-hundred words and have nothing feel right. But here we are! Chapter four done and posted. I hope you all enjoyed it. Thank you all for reading and supporting this story. You are all amazing!


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